


Xīnzàng de jùlí

by nyny_68



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: M/M, Slice of Life, Teen Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-27
Updated: 2015-01-27
Packaged: 2018-03-09 07:41:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 22,413
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3241688
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nyny_68/pseuds/nyny_68
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>心脏的距离, The Distance Between Their Hearts　</p><p>Tao-centric fanfic ~~ when Huang Zitao leaves behind family, friends and everything he has ever known, in order to chase his dreams in a country that baffles him at every turn, he is suddenly faced with a new conundrum - his beautiful, boyish featured roommate, Oh Sehun, who turns out to be a total monster, and persists in bullying Tao every chance he gets...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter One

 ‘Fuck!’ Tao slammed his fist into his pillow. ‘Fuck fuck fuck!’ He hated him.  _Hated_ that Jerk. Desperately he tried to thrust away the sharp stabs of despair and pain that threatened to pierce right through him.

Focus on the anger.

Anger is good.

If he just stayed angry, he could push through this… There was NO way he was going to cry over anything that asshole had done,  _ever_  again. As his eyes filled with tears, Tao roughly plunged his face into the bed covers.

Why…Why must he be the one who is always picked on?

Whatever did he DO to that guy in the first place?!

 

\----

Back at the end of last year, after months of working any job he could get; when he had almost given up hope that he could do any better than play an extra in one episode of some random soap,[1.] he had finally gotten the chance to audition for SM Global! After hours and hours waiting in line in the overcrowded venue hall, his number came up…He had stepped into the Audition room, facing the panel of judges….and the next few minutes were a blur he still couldn’t really remember.

 Somehow, he had managed to get through his routine in one piece, and an indescribable flood of relief had surged through him, when he finally emerged into the bright sunshine to see that his best friend…no, his more-than-best friend, Kris, had been waiting right there, in his characteristic too-cool-to-care style, nonchalantly slouching against the railings behind the packs of fans holding up ‘WE LOVE YOU, VICTORIA’ placards.[2.]

He had run right up to him, bursting with the detailed descriptions of how nervous he had been; and what if he had messed up completely, and how he’d just  _die_  if he didn’t make it through, but there was no way he was going to make it through, did Kris see how great looking some of the other interviewees were??!!

 

Kris, in typical Kris-fashion had let him blabber on, only grunting occasionally in reply to Tao’s torrent of words, while firmly holding his hand, and leading him through the crowd. Finally, Tao had exhausted himself, and with a sigh, contented himself with walking as close to Kris (that was the special nickname only Tao used for him; everyone else called him by his actual name of Wu Yifan) as possible, as they wound their way down the street. Kris didn’t say a word the entire way back home, but just as they neared Tao’s house, he’d reached into the oversized pocket of his trench coat, and pulled out a book he dropped into Tao’s hands, bending forward to whisper in his ear.

 ‘There was no need to be nervous, you practiced so hard for this. These sort of auditions are based on more than just the performance – they would’ve looked for charisma, and attractiveness and charm, so you couldn’t have ‘messed up’ even if you wanted to. No, you won’t die, coz, yes, I DID see the others who tried out, and no one came anywhere near you in terms of good looks.’ Kris’ voice came out harsher than usual, and even after he stopped talking, for a moment, he stayed as he was, his lips less than an inch from Tao’s ear, his breath wafting warm against Tao’s cheeks, contrasting with the cold winter air. ‘I’ll miss you.’ His voice was so low, the words growled out like they were being forced from him against his will. He then spun around and quickly strode away, disappearing round the corner, before Tao could remember to breathe. His eyes still widened in shock (that Kris,  _Kris_  would say something like that) he looked down at the book in his hands. Korean-Mandarin Dictionary for Beginners. A huge smile lit up his face, and for the first time since he had decided to audition, a rush of confidence filled him. If KRIS was so sure he’d get through…

 

Since then, that Dictionary had hardly ever left his side, as he arrived in Korea and settled into his new life… everytime he opened it, he would turn first to the front page, where his name, ‘Huang Zitao’ was scrawled amidst a sea of…something that he was assuming were stars, but then again, you never could be sure with Kris’ drawing skills, lol,  and everytime he saw it, that reassuring feeling of confidence would permeate his soul. [3.]

 

 

\-----

But today..

Today, during their evening meal, as he sat by himself as usual at the corner table, the fiend who was his roommate had shown up, and…

As Tao thought about what had happened - the glistening splatter of the kimchi on Sehun’s pristine white pants, Sehun’s gleeful smile as he claimed loudly that Tao was responsible, even though Tao had been three chairs away, the  way he had casually reached over and picked up Tao’s precious dictionary, ripping out pages and using it to mop up the spreading red stains, while Tao sat frozen in shock and horror before leaping up to try and save those beloved pages, though they were already ruined beyond repair –

the tears he had vainly fought against started coursing down his cheeks.

He was used to the bullying, really, he could handle it usually, somehow...but as he pictured that forlorn piece of paper, his name scribbled amid the doodled galaxy, lying on the floor, soaked in the orangish red  brine….

He just..

And above it all, Sehun’s happy grin.

 Is it all just because he didn’t want to be roommates with Tao? Well, then, he could’ve easily said something to Junmyeon-san, who was in charge of this building that housed all of SM’s trainees…It’s not like  _Tao_ could’ve said anything- ha! If he could speak this awful language  **that**  well, then half his problems would be over –

 

The sound of the door opening cut cleanly through his thoughts, abruptly slicing through him like a knife, and for a moment, he could hardly draw a breath. Footsteps fluidly sounded to the opposite side of the room, accompanied by a cheerily hummed tune.

‘Aah~ah! Something sure smells in here~~’ Sehun’s voice rang out, its usual merrily mocking tone in perfect Mandarin. The familiar syllables snapped Tao out of his momentary trance. Suddenly, he just couldn’t  ** _take_**  it anymore.

Just...

No more.

Blindly, without the slightest idea of what exactly he meant to do, he hurtled out of the room. The chuckle that floated behind him seemed to crystallize inside him, in the centre of his chest, like a cold heavy stone, and then he knew.

 

‘A...stick?’ Junmyeon peered up at all 183cm of frowning determination that faced him. [4.] The boy didn’t speak Korean that well, maybe he meant…

‘A Stick. For practice.’ Tao stressed each word, miming a rod with his long fingered-hands. ‘Ah...well...i’m sorry...eer....’ Junmyeon looked around, smiling slightly at how serious the handsome Newbie was looking. ‘Will this do?’ He pulled a long wooden ruler from its place in his  _‘Accounts Book – April 2011’_.

‘No. Thank you.’ The boy shook his head firmly, then bowed prettily and walked quickly up the corridor. Junmyeon grinned at the disappearing back. This kid definitely had something…Of the current crop, he’s  _definitely_ gonna be one of the early placements. Junmyeon mentally jotted a note to himself, to strike up frequent conversations with him in Korean.

 

Tao half-jogged up to the third floor practice room. The trainee residence was provided with well maintained dance rooms, one on every floor, for anyone who might want to revise, or rehearse, even after their regular classes in Cheongdam-dong.[5.] But this late, everyone (except Tao) would be either hanging out in the lounge fighting over the remote to the one TV the trainees were provided with, or crowded 10 to a room (again, never something he had done), goofing around till Junmyeon-San came and yelled at them to ‘Get to bed, you all have classes in the morning’…

Besides, the 3rd floor one had recently suffered from a series of ‘I-Dare-You-To’ games, involving firecrackers, toilet paper, and copious amounts of Hongeo[6.]…needless to say, no one used it anymore.

Pushing open the heavy wood panelled door, Tao cautiously stuck his head in. As expected, it was totally empty. And smelt absolutely normal, trust Junmyeon-San to be up to all the going-ons here! Tao quickly marched in, pulling the door to. He walked straight to the window, and reaching up on the tips of his toes, managed to unscrew the curtain-rod. Hefting it in his hand, Tao nodded to himself – the length and weight were perfect.

 

Closing his eyes, standing stock-still in the centre of the room, holding the stick in both hands, Tao took a deep breath. For a moment, there was silence.

Then he lunged forward.

Twirling the rod above his head, almost simultaneously throwing himself up, both feet slicing through the air like flashing razor blades, Tao remembered the exultation he had felt when the results had been announced – and he had been picked to become part of the famous SM Company.…and not just ‘picked’, out of the hundreds and hundreds who had tried out, HE, Huang Zitao, had placed first in the ranking!

 Coming to Korea, equal parts excitement and sadness, slightly homesick, slightly scared, slightly proud and wondering at everything he saw around him…

His arms swung around, switching the rod easily back and forth, cutting. Thrusting. The sound of his bare feet hitting the wooden floor, for an instant, while he punched and struck out at the invisible monsters around him.

Being shown to his room by a smiling kindly Junmyeon-San, who had told him (with the help of Tao’s already heavily underlined Korean-Mandarin dictionary) he’d be sharing with ‘Oh Sehun, our best trainee’ and ‘Sehun-kun speaks Mandarin perfectly, so you don’t have to worry, he’ll help you out’;

The door that opened into the centre of the room, dividing it into two, giving him his first glimpse of his new home-

The wardrobes on either side of the door, each with enough space to fit Tao’s clothing four times over. Two beds in matching pale yellow covers lined up against the opposite walls of the room, their foots facing the wardrobes, their heads just below windows draped with light buttercup curtains. A desk-chair set next to each bed, marking the borders of the ‘common area’ between his roommate’s side and his, large enough so that there was a sense of airy brightness about the room.

The left side one already had piles of clothes, random assortments of notebooks and a laptop on it, so Tao had carefully placed his belongings on the right side bed, unpacking into his wardrobe, then sitting patiently, a giant smile fixed on his face, waiting for his roommate to show up..

The mystery roommate…

Whom even Junmyeon-san (Tao had been very taken by the classically good-looking older man, despite their interaction lasting barely 5mins) spoke so highly of.

Weaving, dropping to all fours, then back flipping smoothly, before running to piston off a wall, each transition seamlessly executed, all the while slashing and hacking with the rod in his hand, Tao smiled grimly.

_Oh Sehun._

 Boy Genius, Prodigy, The handsomest trainee in a company known for its exceptionally good looking meat, a Prince with a strong number of supporters and internet fans well before he even entered SM,[7.] with a lovely pure voice that perfectly suited his sparkling gorgeousness and fairytale-like charm, his dancing always superbly attractive, fluent even in Mandarin, beloved by everyone who ever met him, looked up to even by the older boys, the one for whom girls lined up outside the building even at 7AM, yelling, ‘Oppa! Good Morning!’ as they left for their classes….

Tao sliced vertically downward, letting the rod hit the floor along its entire length, then threw the rod up into the air, cart wheeling around before catching it again in his hand. He then let it drop to the ground, and started in on his barehanded Long-Fist routine _._

_Oh Sehun._

The jerk who got his rocks off by tormenting Tao. The asshole who smiled cutely while instigating the others to escalate the abuse they showered on him… whether it was shoving him into the bathroom and pelting him with their muddy shoes, dumping dirty laundry water on him when he passed under a window, the constant addition of random disgusting objects, usually worms, to his food, tripping him up whenever they practiced their dancing with Jongin Sensei, or just the perpetual, never-ending stream of racial slurs and abuse, most of which he thankfully didn’t understand. Most of it, except for the barbed bitter pincers Sehun launched at him, in only very faintly accented Mandarin, interspersed by cheerful smiles…

Oh Sehun, his roommate, was the one behind it all.[8.]

 

 

 

* * *

 

Appendix/references for Chapter One : 

  1. Tao (pre-debut), as extra in a Taiwanese series <http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-FCteTfKM2ag/UTZlHElrBJI/AAAAAAAAAIY/vI5XKRjfU-o/s1600/tao1.jpg> 
  2. The 2010 Auditions in Qingdao that Tao tried out at were apparently hosted by f(x)’s Victoria Song [i'm not 100% sure about this]
  3. For random examples of Exo’s Picasso >> <http://thesparetimecorner.blogspot.in/2012/12/kris-animal-farm.html> <http://www.kofan.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/08/image353.png> <http://hellosmile4ever.tumblr.com/post/88235118147/kriss-drawing-skills> ... all leading to this <http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-C5LF8b0c-Zs/Uqc5cf7pUQI/AAAAAAAABTU/BG1encnNfmA/s1600/tumblr_mxc1t2tc6T1qeffo7o3_500.gif> 
  4. Tao’s Height - While I’ve seen places say 183cm, 185cm, and even 187cm,  I’m just gonna go with 183cm…(the rest is prob lifts anyways)
  5. Cheongdam-dong  -> SM Office 
  6. Hongoe – a Korean dish that.. to cut a long story short, is fish that’s allowed to rot in its own pee. I kid you not.
  7. Random reference to our 'Certified Ulzzang'
  8. I kept the bullying incidents pretty basic, old school stuff and restricted to the other trainees. If I went into the reality if how people treated Tao during the early years, I’d be crying too hard to write anything further. 



 

 


	2. Chapter Two

As the rivulets of sweat ran down his back, slowly, gradually, the heavy weight in Tao’s chest seemed to lighten. His focus increasingly centred on his body, his arms pleasurably hurting, his calves slightly twitching… He could easily tell that 3 months of not practicing had really affected his stamina, despite the daily heavy schedule of dancing lessons… Yet, he wanted to push himself even more.

Tao took a deep breath, held it for a bit, then blew out, simultaneously launching himself into a butterfly kick run-up to a butterfly twist, shifting flawlessly from the horse stance to a left bow, his angles perfect, hands fingers, toes, all creating a movement that was poetic in its lethality, before landing in a graceful split step. [1.] He took a small pace back, everything else forgotten, only himself and his body and the pure joy of Wushu existing in this perfect moment –

‘Woohoo!’

Stunned, Tao’s head snapped up. A small crowd had collected at the door of the practice room, which now stood open. Clapping, laughing, booing, cat-calling… he could even pick out some seniors – Chanyeol-hyung, Baekhyun-hyung, and even Minseok-hyung (who usually tended to stay well away from him ever since that one disastrous incident, when Tao had, in all innocence, addressed him as, ‘Oppa’) in the cluster –

And in the forefront, soft brown hair shading his eyes, speculatively running his tongue over his lower lip – of course, it was Sehun.

As their eyes met, Sehun smirked, then strode forward purposefully. Tao instinctively took a step back, but Sehun had already reached him. Smirk still firmly in place, Sehun grabbed Tao’s left wrist, then dramatically punched it into the air, yelling, ‘Ladies and Gentlemen, our very own Chang-ke Grasshopper!’ The crowd whooped and yelled, clapping, some even stamping their feet in glee. Sehun burst into laughter, and in one tugging motion, pulled Tao in front of him, to directly face the group at the door; draping himself over Tao’s shoulders, then reaching forward to pull up his shirt – ‘And just look at the muscles~kyaah~!’ in mock breathless-fangirl voice, Sehun squealed right in Tao’s ear. The crowd found this even more hilarious, some actually falling on the floor laughing. ‘Tao-ah, you must be reeeaally good at Ping Pong, too, right?’ Sehun almost crooned.[2.]

 

For a split second, rage like he’d never felt before coursed through  Tao. For a split second, he clenched his fist, his mind repeating over and over – End this. End this now. END IT. He could almost feel his fist colliding with Sehun’s face….

 _Sehun’s face_.

The straight eyebrows, perfectly shaped, that somehow arched so beautifully just before fading away…those eyes, luminous under that abrupt eyelid with its oh-so-deep cleft, rimmed by those long straight eyelashes…The pale, translucent cheeks and definite cheekbones, that started out rugged and strong and manly, before deciding they couldn’t contain his bubbly magical allure, and giving way to the cutest chin Tao had ever seen…a jawline so sexy and sharp it looked like it could cut glass…

As Tao looked at the younger guy, staring full into his face – somehow, the rage drained away. As Sehun’s lips quirked up into a knowing smile, completely different from his usual innocent-happy-child grins, Tao felt his eyes fill up.

More than anything else..He was alone, right?

Alone.

In this country, in this idol world, he had nothing. No friends, no family, no one he could turn to. No one who would stick up for him, and No one who would have his back.…no, not just that, he was  _actively_  hated, wasn’t he…

Ducking his head – Oh God, please don’t let Sehun have seen his  _tears_ , Tao ran from the room. But as he reached the door, the haggle of teenagers stood their ground, lounging against each other, making him have to try and ease his way between them. Even though he kept his head down, he could feel their sneers are he squeezed past them.

‘Aah~don’t tease him too much, you guys. He can totally punch our noses off our faces’ Sehun’s laughter filled voice was the last thing he heard, before he broke into a run through the passage that had suddenly opened up through the throng.

Tao ran down to the second floor, which housed his room, and headed straight to the bathroom at the end of the corridor. As he stood under the shower, turned up as high and as hot as he could possibly bear it, letting the angry drops sting his shoulder blades, and spill over his thighs in steaming cascades, he felt the anguish and misery drench him. Slowly, he sank to the floor, arms wrapped tightly hugging his knees against his chest, the tears wrenching out of him in heaving sobs, that he chokingly tried to muffle as best as he could…He wanted to go home.

Home where he had his family; where his mother cooked the best meals, and his Dad played B-Ball with him, and Kris would tease him and then, silently wrap his arm around him when Tao pouted up at him; home, where he was happy and his days were filled with laughter; Home, where people cared for him and loved him, and he could be himself without second guessing everything…

He wanted to play with his crazy, obnoxious little black kitten, and watch movies, (usually foreign ones, so both of them would have to depend entirely on the subtitles) with his best friend, curled up on the couch and pelting each other with popcorn...[3.]

He wanted to hang out with people to whom he could speak his mind; where with just his smile he could make even the grumpiest, angriest person gracious and forthcoming.

He wanted to have at least ONE conversation without struggling to find the words that his tongue just couldn’t roll around.

He wanted to be somewhere he could belong.

The sparkling droplets that clung to his eyelashes caught the light, rainbows bursting forth everytime he blinked. He slowly uncurled his fisted hands..reaching out..laying his palm flat on the wall in front of him, that remained cool despite the clouds of steam that filled the tiny space… NO! He had come all this way for a reason, hadn’t he? He had gone through so much already, he had made so many sacrifices..all for the sake of that silver shoreline he could almost see before him, just beyond the horizon… he had chased his dream across the ocean, now he just had to reach out and take it. Give up??! Go home?!! Not.A.Chance!! and no number of insufferable Pretty-boys was going to make him go under. So what if he was bullied, and illtreated? So what if his roommate was a complete beast? In the end, all that mattered was what  _he_  could do. He would learn Korean if it killed him trying. He would dance, and sing, and perform and he would make every single one of his hopes a reality. He stood up and turned off the shower, cursorily  patting himself dry and winding the towel around his waist. He stepped up to the steam-covered mirror, and with his right index finger, drew a smiley face over his reflection. ‘Yosha!’ he nodded firmly, before fixing his best smile on his face.

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

Appendix/references for Chapter Two :

1\.  Random Wushu rant >> Of the forms of Wushu, the one Tao uses is a contemporary type of Changquan, or Long-Fist (totally the most difficult). I wrote him initially using the rod as a Gun (Changquan Long Staff) before switching to bare-hand.

The butterfly twist ( _xuàn zi zhuàn tǐ_ ) is a move that is frequently used, esp in competitions, etc,  _however_ , it is still one of the single most difficult and most risky jumps used in Wushu. And yup, this is the one Tao uses in the end of Overdose.

>> Here I’ve had him do a butterfly kick run-up, which is easier, coz the arms are spread, adding to the rotation – in the MV, he tucks his arms in, (also, if you notice, his legs are not spread out either) so he’s basically rotating himself, horizontally, in mid air, with just his core strength.

!!!!!!

I also just wanted to point this out – a lot of people use a variant of this move, or similar seeming movements, in parkour and ‘tricking’, and since we’ve seen a lot of it, and Tao himself makes it seem so, people tend to have the impression that this is really easy, (leading to ‘He can’t even do good Wushu’), but according to the International Taolu (Wushu Forms) Competition guidelines, The butterfly comes under ‘Difficult Movements’ in Optional moves- Changquan, with Butterfly, Butterfly+full twist, and Butterfly+double twists being awarded 0.2, 0.3 and 0.4 (the highest possible for any move) bonus points each (of course, with additions for combos).

ALSO, deductions are made for increasing number of steps used in the run up beyond FOUR (as in, you are only allowed 4 steps run up), coz obv, less run-up = more diff. As you might have noticed, in overdose, Tao basically has a 1 step run-up (and prob only then to get to his position for the dance)

Sorry, this kinda turned into a rant, but I’m so TIRED of people just… ya know…

2\. Chang-Ke – Apparently, Korean derogatory term for ‘Chinese person’ , Grasshopper – reference to the ‘kung-fu’ series, Ping Pong…reference to Chinese love for the game, so used as an insult..but it sounds kinda naughty in a good way too, right? Lol. Anyway I suck at insulting people, but at this point I’m not changing the story..so… luckily there’s actually a website listing this stuff 0.0

3\. I know this is crossing some sorta line (privacy..), but I just HAD to include some sort of reference to Tao's childhood friend, (so compromised by not naming him)…their friendship is the most precious thing I have ever come across; the first time Tao made me literally cry was when I read that letter he had written to him. 

oh, plus the reference to Tao's black cat.. (๑◕ฺ‿ฺ◕ฺ๑)


	3. Chapter Three

The room was empty when he got back. Tao quickly dressed in a pair of old PJs, then sprawled on his bed, reaching for his iPod that was in the front pocket of the backpack slung over his chair. Plugging the earphones in, he scrolled down to his LiuXueKorea podcasts,[1.]  and closing his eyes, started repeating the words out loud, over and over, straining to get the inflections right. The rolled ‘L’ sounds, the constant tones and strangely flat intonation, the soft ‘k’ and ‘d’… Even as the sounds left his tongue, he knew he hadn’t got them right...The ‘Jji’ kept coming out as ‘Sshi’, the deep ‘b’ was almost ‘p’ when he said it…  but still, he didn’t pause or waver, just keeping on attempting to enunciate each syllable properly.[2.]  

 

‘Oomph!!’ Tao’s eyes sprang open, and he quickly sat up, yanking his earphones out. A pillow had just landed on his face, flung from across the room where – ‘Oh.’ Sehun was glaring at Tao, sitting up in his bed, where he had apparently been trying to sleep, from the looks of the tossed up bedspreads, and tumbled comforter. He hadn’t even known Sehun had come in, or – ‘For Fuck’s sake, SHUT THE FUCK UP!! Quit that awful gibberish!!’ Sehun yelled at him, accentuating his words with angry gestures, as he flounced off his bed, slamming into the chair at his desk, and starting to pound the keys of his laptop, his annoyance, like a visible miasma, surrounding his every breath.

‘uumm..sorry..’ Tao mumbled as he quickly rolled the earphone wires around his iPod, placing it on his desk, and turning around to face the wall, pulled his covers over himself, and squeezed his eyes shut.

 Behind him, he could hear the Tap-Tap as Sehun typed out whatever he had got out of bed for. Some sort of ‘request form’ to change rooms? Well, Good, then. Tao was also completely Done putting up with him. There’s nothing he wanted as much right now, as never having to see Sehun’s face again. In fact, he himself would try to talk to Junmyeon San tomorrow and see if he couldn’t try and shift to a different room. Telling himself he would look up the Korean for that first thing in the morning, Tao drifted off, to the sounds of the keyboard, that had now become gentle and rhythmic.

 

When Tao slowly blinked open his eyes, faint rays of sunlight were threading into the room. The curtains above his head wafted in the gentle breeze. His eyes half open, he followed the dancing motes in the golden light as they sparkled over the metal clasps of his backpack.. twirling around the photo frame on his desk, that showed Kris and him at the beach, Tao holding a guitar, and Kris grinning at him[3.]…the glinting shafts picking out the shiny print on the high-tops he had left lying beside his bed, and the zipper of the hoodie beside the shoes… swirling around Sehun, were he sat at his desk, peering into his laptop screen, muttering something below his breath, then scrawling something in the notebook he held in his lap. The  gleams seemed to caress Sehun’s luminous, yet meltingly soft hair, the silky ends that slightly curled at the nape of his neck… surrounding his fair skin in a velvety halo….

Huh?!!

Had Sehun been at his desk all night??!!

His eyes now fully open, Tao could clearly see the faint look of exhaustion on Sehun’s face, and the way he kept vigorously rubbing his eyes. But not for an instant did his attention waver from whatever it was he was doing, alternating between listening closely to his earphones, head slightly cocked to one side, then, jotting something down in the notebook, followed by a series of taps on his keyboard.

What was he doing - Tao glanced at his alarm clock – staying up till 5 in the morning!It’s not as if they didn’t have another day of rigorous training ahead!

As if on cue, a gentle knock sounded on the door, before it quietly swung open, and Sehun’s mentor/trainer Kyungsoo-san stuck his head in.

 ‘Seehuuun- oh! What a surprise, you’re already up! C’mon, from today you have your vocal training sessions with Jongdae sensei. We leave for Siheung-Si in half an hour.’[4.]

‘Gotcha!’ Sehun grinned at his favourite teacher, crinkles appearing at the corners of his eyes. ‘I’ll just shower, and be right down.’ He yawned, and stretched, the toned muscles on his arms extending and contracting, then glanced at Kyungsoo-san with a naughty gleam in the corner of his eyes. ‘I bet Junmyeon-san is already up. Aah~ he always seems to be up bright and ready on the mornings you happen to show up…what a coincidence, ne..’ He pretended to frown ‘And somehow, there’s always  _really_ good coffee laid on, on those days…hmm..’

Kyungsoo-san’s eyes widened (that is, widened further; the boyishly attractive man had natural doe-caught-in-the-headlights type of eyes) before his heart shaped lips curved up in a grin he couldn’t hide, and he turned a deep red. ‘Just..just come down in 30mins, ok’

‘Sure. And I’ll make sure to make a lot of noise coming down the stairs too.’ Sehun shot back.

Kyungsoo-san looked like steam was going to come out of his ears any second, as he turned quickly, and, escaped, with a hurriedly nodded, ‘Good Morning’ at Tao who was struggling not to explode into laughter.

Sehun was really fun when he was being his usual charming, playful self; as opposed to total jerk, though of course, that sweetly alluring side of his had never been directed at Tao.

The grin slid right off Tao’s face, as he looked up at Sehun, his friendly smile gone without a trace now that he realised Tao was awake.

Sighing internally, Tao laid back down, his forearm covering his eyes. Oh, well. He should be used to this by now. He could clearly hear Sehun’s movements in the still of the early morning, as he gathered up his clothing and left.

Tao must have drifted off again, coz the next thing he knew, Sehun was back, the delicious scent of lemon, and soap, and fruity moisturiser surrounding him as he filled his messenger bag with everything he’d need for his class with one hand, while towelling off his glistening hair, turned deep black with the wet, and contrasting breathtakingly with his porcelain, pale skin, with the other.For some reason, as Tao watched Sehun’s graceful movements through his eyelashes, a deep flush started tingeing his cheeks. Hurriedly, he veiled his eyes with his arm again… But now he was even more acutely aware of every little sound Sehun made, the ruffling of paper, the click of his laptop closing, the zipper on his bag…

Then the footsteps as he turned and walked out of the room..

No

Wait

The footsteps were not heading out, they were –

Tao’s eyes snapped open, and he almost leapt out of bed, causing Sehun, who was right at his bedside, half-bending over him, to stumble backward. Instinctively, without even  considering what he was doing in the slightest, Tao reached out to grab him.

 

For a moment, time seemed to stop. Tao sitting up in his bed, his right hand stretched out, grasping Sehun’s slender wrist, his pulse bounding against Tao’s fingers, a crimson spreading over his cheeks whose path Tao inexplicably, oddly, at that moment, yearned to trace with his lips. Their eyes, linking and holding, neither of them breathing…

Then the curtain above Tao’s bed fluttered and just like that, the moment was gone.

 

 Sehun wrenched his hand out of Tao’s grasp, and letting out a Huff!, he thrust something at Tao. Still somewhat dazed, Tao just stared blankly at the notebook, and.. pen drive (?) that Sehun was holding out.  ‘Here!’ Sehun shook the book at him in impatience. ‘uhhnnhh..ha.’ Bewildered, Tao took the pen drive and notebook, staring blankly at them, before letting them fall into his lap. Sehun, who had been resolutely looking at anything other than Tao, let out an irritated ‘tchi’ and rounded on him.

‘You’re an idiot! The world’s biggest one!! You can sing, can’t you, and you can rap, too!! Honestly, do you think just anyone can do that?! Not to mention, in a language you don’t even speak…’ Sehun’s voice drifted off, as he shook  his head at Tao…

Now completely lost in astonishment and totally bemused, Tao opened his mouth to let out a whisper of protest, when Sehun, looking almost..angry ?? shoved his head closer to Tao’s, and glared at him ‘ Don’t gimme that, you were rapping lines in Korean with Chanyeol on Monday, weren’t you!! What, did you think your little play date was some sorta secret??!’

Huh

Huuuuuuuuuuuuuhhh??!!

On the day in question, he had been passing by the room where Chanyeolhyung and Baekhyun hyung were goofing around recording bits from various songs in funny voices, when they had called him in, and Chanyeol hyung had made him sing a couple of lines… He had only just repeated exactly what Chanyeol-hyung had said… and anyway the whole thing had lasted all of 3 minutes, before they waved him off…

And anyway, why was  ** _Sehun_** …

‘If you can  _sing_ Korean, you can  _speak_ Korean.’ Sehun sounded exasperated now, as he strung out each word, like he was talking to a child. ‘Play to your strengths. You can byheart an entire dictionary or whatever, but you’re never gonna learn to speak Korean by doing that. And its not like you  _could_  ever actually by heart it, you just can’t remember the words, how many ever times you repeat them, can you? So, Sing It. ‘

Sehun nodded at the book on Tao’s lap, then spun around, jerking his head at the photo on Tao’s table

‘Its waay better than any dumb idea your stupid  _boyfriend_  had.’

His voice strangely filled simultaneously with both venom and petulance, as he swung up his bag, and left.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Appendix/references for Chapter Three : 

1\. LiuxueKorea.com is a Chinese website that helps you learn Korean in a really fun way, they focus both on traditional as well as spoken Korean; (they also have a ‘learn to sing KPop’ section, lol)

2.Since I don’t really know Korean, this part is courtesy of Tao’s actual mispronunciations, lol, at various instances, eg. ‘Sshib-ge’ for ‘Jjib-ge’ = Showtime Ep 02, etc

3\. Photo (beach+guitar+predeb Tao and obviously minus Kris)  >> <http://d3j5vwomefv46c.cloudfront.net/photos/large/707889600.jpg> or <http://i.imgur.com/GxpZXZv.jpg> 

4\. Chen’s from Siheung-Si, in Gyeonggi-do. (which puts it about 2 n 1/2 hrs by subway/the Korean rail-which-is-not-really-a-rail-system from Hangang, which let's assume, is where the dorm is) (yes, i know Hangang is 'near the dorm' but i dont really wanna creepy-stalker to the level of tryina find out exactly where it is)

 


	4. Chapter Four.

It took a quite some time for Tao’s mind to escape the endless loop of, ‘what the fuck, what the fuck, what the fuck’ and he was able to pick up the book and open it.

In neatly spaced lines, Sehun had written song lyrics – each line in Korean alternating with the meaning in mandarin, along with the phonetic reading. Colour coded arrows circled words and led to the margin, where there were notes like, ‘Roll your tongue here’ and ‘Blow through your teeth’. Some lines where asterisked, and right at the bottom, he had explained them - -phrases and expressions, clearly giving their idiomatic usage, and sometimes even example sentences. Tao kept turning pages.

Epik High. Jay Park, 2PM.Se7en, Shinhwa, BIGBANG, TVXQ….

With a building sense of unreality, Tao plugged in the pen drive into his laptop, impatiently opened the folder and played the files. Sure enough, these were the songs. As he listened closely, he understood something else – this wasn’t just a random collection of Korean music. These were vocals, tones and ranges especially suited to him. To stretch and lift his voice, then drop it deep. Rap pieces with both a challenging fast-pace, and the melodic kind. Every single tune engineered to his mid-high range voice.

No wonder it had taken him all night.

Holy crap.

Sehun,  _Oh Sehun_ , had….

Oh well, it was just an apology for what he had done yesterday, right? Even Sehun would’ve realised he’d crossed the line. Yeah, that’s it. It’s not like it..you know,  _meant_ something or anything .

Hehe. Yeah. That was silly. Obviously just an apology.

 

Try as he might to push the thoughts away, as he went about getting ready for his day’s lessons, Tao’s mind kept returning to the whole incident over and over… When Sehun had said that about Chanyeol hyung, he’d sounded…kinda… jealous, right.. Nonono, that was impossible. As was the way he’d apparently been listening to Tao sing enough to have his stats so spot on – they didn’t even have any classes together!! And what in the world was that about Kris??!

And the way Sehun had looked when Tao had grabbed his wrist… (this particular thought came to the forefront in the shower, and Tao was immeasurably horrified by his body’s response)

 

When he finally emerged from the shower, (he’d resolutely refused to give himself the release he needed, necessitating a couple of Wushu drills on the wet floor, before he could safely escape) he still managed to absentmindedly get lost on the way to the dining room, wandering up and down the first floor corridor, playing the songs (now transferred to his iPod) over and over, till Junmyeon-san stuck his head out of his office, with a ‘Tao-kun! Are you okay for time? It’s 8:30, didn’t you guys have a session with Yixing-Sensei at 8:oo?’

‘AAHH!!’

Snapping out of it, Tao ran flat out the door, with a horrified expression. As opposed to fun and sympathetic Jongin Sensei, who was totally, ‘one-of-them’, Yixing-sensei was a real stickler for discipline, and when pissed, he had a way of scornfully mocking you that made you wish you could melt into the floor and disappear. Especially since, being of Chinese origin, he could tailor his acerbic remarks to Tao’s individual understanding.

Sure enough, by the time Tao went down to the cafeteria for a quick lunch at 2:00pm, his face was red and burning from all the insults he had had to hear, though he could freely admit that he well deserved most of them – in fact, he had been so distracted all morning, (an unusual event, as, despite his pointed derision, Yixing-Sensei was one heck of a talented dancer, and teacher; not to mention, it felt really good to be able to talk in Chinese with the curly haired, dimpled guy who usually treated Tao more like a little brother than a student)  that it was only his well-honed reflexes that had prevented him from spending the entire time falling over on his arse.

As he grabbed a sandwich and made his way to one of the empty tables, iPod already blasting the ‘Sehun Playlist’ into his ears, he realised with a sinking feeling that maybe…

_maybe…_

he was in some pretty deep shit.

No way, right//

_Then what was that in the shower this morning?!!_

Just a random fluke, could happen to anyone//

_oh yeah? When they were remembering the way their hot MALE roommate blushed?And Felt??_

Urrhmm.. yeah! Just coincidence. Ha, after all, it had been months since he had even had a proper conversation with a girl, leave alone..ya know…//

_well..there IS that.._

Yeah! Just the shock of that price asshole actually doing something nice. That’s all. Nothing more.

Events thus clarified satisfactorily in his mind, Tao bit into the whole wheat, and chewed speculatively, while trying to sing along to BIGBANG under his breath, glancing frequently at Sehun’s notebook.

 

Even lost in his own world as Tao was, he couldn’t ignore the sudden excitement and shouts that blossomed throughout the cafeteria a little while later, as he went to dump his plate, planning to go upstairs to try and find Yixing-Sensei and apologize, before his afternoon classes. It was like an electric current had run through the entire group of teenage boys, all of whom were chattering eagerly to each other. Tao pulled out one earphone, and turned to ask one of the kids what was up – when the question became irrelevant, as a slender boy with light brown hair walked into the cafeteria. Immediately, almost everyone in the vicinity, except for Tao, (and strangely enough, Minseok-hyung, who remained in his seat, leisurely sucking grape-juice through a straw) rushed at the newcomer, with yells of, ‘Luhan-hyung!! Welcome back!!’ ‘Luhan-hyung, how was Beijing?’ ‘Luhan-hyung, I missed you!!’ The newcomer, indescribably pretty, with beautiful, delicate features, was easily the cutest trainee, and just as easily, the most beloved. Of Chinese origin, just like Tao, he had already been living in Korea when he was scouted – and this seemed to make a world of difference. Luhan fit right here, like he had been born to it. As one of the oldest trainees, he was always fair and good tempered in his dealings with his kohai,(not to mention, charming, and funny, and incredibly kawaii) and really, it was probably because of Luhan-gege’s stepping in at the right moments, that Tao managed to escape being bullied too bad. Hence, it could be assumed that Tao felt more gratitude towards him than any of the others, and that he loved him more.

Such an assumption would be far, far from the truth.

Coz Luhan-gege was the one person Tao came as close to hating as it was possible for him to hate anyone. 

Whenever Luhan was around, Sehun was practically always stuck to him at the hip. In fact, it was almost like they were one person, how you could permanently find one with the other – so much so that most of the trainees had even begun referring to them as ‘HunHan’!! Beyond good-looking, both of them made perfect counterparts for each other – Sehun’s definite features, and the manly vibe he gave off, contrasting breathtakingly with Luhan-ge’s graceful prettiness; both of them equally capable of thinking up the most mischievous schemes, with Sehun grinning roguishly, and Luhan-ge’s playful exclamations ensuring that all their pranks had the full contingent of trainees  participating gleefully.

 

Personally, Tao thought it was awful, the way they were constantly draped all over each other, their never-ending hand-holding, and hugging, and cuddling had gradually driven him from vague, perplexing irritation (coz he really didn’t know why he even cared, or why it should bother him; when he was with  _his_ best-best friend, Kris, he himself always acted the same way) to the point where all he felt was all out rage, and he didn’t even question why any longer. (or even why this was pretty much solely directed towards Lu Han) 

Tao turned away from the crowd at the door, and walking over to the long table in the corner, stashed his plate with the pile of others. ‘Tao-chan!’ As he turned, he almost bumped into Luhan-gege, who had come up behind him. ‘How’ve you been?? Have they been too hard on you when I wasn’t there? Aah~ these kids.. Hey, have you gotten taller?? You better stop growing,now, you’re waay taller than Gege…’ Without waiting for him to reply, Luhan-ge draped his arm around Tao’s shoulders, grinning up at him. While Tao felt the familiar pleasure at just listening to words that flowed, and rippled, rising and falling, the tones that were almost music (Mandarin was truly the  _best_ language ever, and Luhan’s accent mesmerising) he also felt the familiar anger, and annoyance, and just…sheer  _frustration_.

This… this hypnotizing voice of Luhan’s was the reason Sehun had learned Mandarin in the first place!! So much depended on Tao’s learning Korean, yet he struggled with it so - yet Sehun had mastered Mandarin solely for no other reason than because it was Luhan’s language??!!!Worked  ** _that_** hard, just for Luhan-ge's sake??!! Somehow, this seemed to bug him more than usual today, and it was with a barely suppressed growl that he responded to Luhan-ge’s upturned eyebrow, when he finally paused in the middle of whatever it was he was saying.

‘I have to meet Yixing-sensei’ Tao shrugged away from Luhan-ge as politely as he could manage (which wasn’t very), and bowing, started walking to the door.

‘Ah! Me too! I have to go say hi, wait for me wouldcha.’ Tossing this out in a merry voice, Luhan-geturned away and strode to the table where Minseok-hyung was slurping his juice.

Tao had a very strong suspicion that Luhan-gege acted all super-friendly with him on purpose – sometimes, his usual cheery look would fade to pure impishness when his eyes latched on Tao, and he always seemed to see something in him Tao could not. The more the rudeness that slipped from Tao, the more sociable Luhan-senpai became.

 

Feeling somehow really tired, Tao slouched against the wall, watching Luhan-gege talk to Minseok-senpai. Their conversation was in too low a register for him to hear, but occasionally, both of them burst out laughing, and at times, it was clear from Luhan’s sassy look, and the way Minseok-hyung puffed out his cheeks in mock indignation, that they were playing around, and teasing each other. Finally Luhan-gege leaned in, and pulled Minseok-hyung’s head close, stroking his hair as he did so, and whispered something in his ear, his lips grazing it. Then, with a cheery wave behind him, he leisurely walked up to Tao.

‘Let’s go!’ 

 

 

* * *

 

Appendix/references for Chapter Four : 

...........

I have nothing ミ●﹏☉ミ 


	5. Chapter FIve

When Tao finally got back to the residence, it was almost 11:00pm, and his degree of exasperation had reached levels never before attained. Luhan-gege had pretty much acted like he was Sehun’s stand-in for the day, or something, clinging to him all afternoon, then dragging him off for tteokbokki [1.] , then insisting they hung out at the local arcade with Minseok, Chanyeol and Baekhyun-hyungs.

Even putting aside Tao’s crescending animosity, he had never spend such an awkward evening  - Chanyeol hyung and Baekhyun hyung were as usual in their own world (sometimes he felt they communicated in some sort of weird unspoken telepathic language no one else could understand), Luhan-gege kept hugging his arm, patting his head, and generally increasing the amount of skinship throughout the course of the outing, (and once again, Tao was certain this was in direct proportion to how irritated he felt), and for some reason, Minseok hyung seemed to be in on it, coz he kept glancing over at Tao in sympathy, then shaking his head at Luhan-gege.

At last, and extremely fortunately for Tao, who felt like he was going to explode in roughly another 3 seconds, Minseok-hyung managed to grab a stuffed deer in the claw crane, which he then proceeded to bury his face in, squealing happily about how soft and cute the deer was. Curiously, this made Luhan-ge (who was still clinging to Tao’s arm) suddenly stiffen, and turn a bizarre shade of magenta. He quickly shot over to Minseok-hyung, and snatched the toy from him, grumbling incoherently, while Minseok hyung tried to get it back from him, pouting and scolding him in a childish tone.

Tao, recognizing a heaven-sent opportunity when he saw one, hurriedly made his excuses to Chanyeol hyung and was waved off in an absent minded manner by the senior, whose attention was entirely focused on Baekhyun hyung and the frequent glimpses of flat, toned abdomen and protruding hipbones he was revealing, while jumping around acrobatically playing mini-basketball.

As he wearily trudged up the stairs to his second-floor room, he thought he could be pretty sure there was more going on between those two than a platonic bro-mance. Oh, well, it had nothing to do with him anyways.

More to the point, if Luhan gege persisted in keeping up the sugary-sweet act tomorrow, and the 3 days after that, (coz individual-training with Jongdae sensei was for 5-day sessions, and Tao was assuming this torture could only possibly last till Sehun was back in regular classes with the rest of them) he was seriously going to have to plead self-defense at the murder trial.

The rest of the corridor was dark, but the door to his room ajar, spilling pools of light down the worn wood floor.

A strange bubble of trepidation that was not altogether unpleasant filled him as he realised Sehun was already back. Adjusting his earphones (of course he had been playing the ‘Sehun playlist’ all evening, it was the only reason he hadn’t already attempted Acts of Violence), he hesitated for a moment before pushing the door further open and stepping in.

Sehun was sprawled out on the floor, face down, his bag flung out of his outstretched hand. He hadn’t even taken his shoes off.

After gently shutting the door, Tao stepped around him carefully, tossed his own bag on his chair, then turned back to stare at the totally immobile figure in front of him.

_Well… he couldn’t sleep like that, he’ll be sore all day tomorrow._

Experimentally, Tao cleared his throat.

Not the slightest response.

He cleared his throat again, louder, adding a couple of fake coughs for effect.

Still nothing.

 _Should he..like…try jumping up and down or something??? Or should he really just let him sleep here, after all, he_ had _just pulled 36 solid hours of work…_

As Tao stood staring, Sehun let out a tiny snort, and shifted slightly, drawing his right leg over his left.

‘Errr..hrrmnnn..Sehun?’ cautiously, he tried whispering his name.

_Oh for crying out loud, that wasn’t gonna work was it, Sehun was like, practically passed out._

Still sorta nervous, Tao knelt down, and tapped his arm. ‘Oy, Sehun, you can’t sleep here.’

Sehun frowned, and turned on his side, curling towards Tao, muttering something under his breath, the only word of which Tao understood was his own name.

_Oh, gimme a break._

Without letting himself ponder his plan further, Tao stood up, then bending smoothly scooped Sehun into his arms.

It was like a jolt running through him

Sehun was warm…his weight, so  _warm_  against his arms...

He could feel parts of his spine..his ribs..his legs..

His chest rising and falling…

His hair...

_His flesh…_

 

Sehun muttered something again, and curled closer in, burying the side of his face in Tao’s chest, his hands fisting against Tao’s stomach.

Tao’s heart was pounding so hard, a part of his mind absently wondered how Sehun could sleep through the noise

Steeling himself, he took a step towards Sehun’s bed, trying to keep his arms as steady as possible.

Sehun smelt familiar, after all Tao had smelled his perfume everyday for months… yet right now, that perfume wafted up in only the barest traces. This close, he could also detect the faintest hint of his moisturiser..and that lemon he used to smell around him of a morning – Tao now realised it was his shampoo, and somehow, felt a spike of satisfaction at the knowledge.

But over all that..curling around him, making his mouth feel horribly dry, and his face heat up, was that smell that was just Sehun… his sweat.. the smell of his skin and clothes and…somehow, this fragrance was a thousand times more seductive than anything he had tried out during his frequent trips to the Gucci store in Apgujeong-dong[2.]…

Unconsciously, Tao lifted Sehun slightly higher, and his head bent down, almost of its own will, as he tried to get a closer whiff…

Only to be totally distracted by the sudden awareness of exactly how dark Sehun’s eyelashes were, as they curled against his cheek..

that cheek that was almost luminescent in its softness...

And those lips… Pale pink, like they had been touched by the merest blush, the curve of the upper one jutting out..

teasingly…

asking to be sucked on…

Tao was so close he could feel Sehun’s breath on his lips…

 

Then Sehun’s eyelashes flickered, and he was looking directly into those dark eyes with their incandescent brown flecks.

 

 ‘Aah, Tao-zi..i’m  _so_ sleepy, today was  _soo_  tiring..’ Sehun mumbled, sounding childlike and vulnerable, rubbing his face into Tao’s neck, his arms curling around him. ‘Jongdae sensei… made…. me…’ Sehun’s words trailed off, as he fell back asleep, his breath on Tao’s mouth, his lips firmly pressed against Tao’s neck, his eyelashes lightly grazing Tao’s cheek.

In a piercing moment, it felt like Tao’s heart suddenly expanded, and clenched in his chest. It hurt.

It hurt so.

This sudden fullness..

A pang..almost like a sharp stab of homesickness..only much much more severe..

Tao gathered Sehun even closer, holding him as tightly as he possibly could. A wave of protectiveness filled him, and at that moment, his entire being was composed solely of the determination to never, ever, let the sleeping boy in his arms go. Never let anything touch him. Never let anything get to him. Whatever might happen…

Tao walked over to Sehun’s bed, and gently laid him down, untangling his arms from around his neck, and tenderly stroking his head. He then pulled his blankets over him, tucking him in. Sehun didn’t even stir as Tao grabbed his towel and left the room.

 

 

Splashing water over his face, Tao struggled with the plethora of emotions running through him.

_This was Sehun he was thinking about, SEHUN. The jerk, the asshole, the one who had personally engineered each miserable moment he had faced in the past 3 months._

Tao listed each incident in his mind, each crushing memory.

Yet somehow…

At this moment…

_AArrrghh!! What’s wrong with him, was he really some sort of masochist??!!!_

Besides, he was a guy, and Sehun was a guy, and sure, such things did happen, but he, Huang Zitao, liked  _girls_.

_He only ever felt such things for Girls._

He had never felt such things for anybody.

 _Anything he might possibly,_ possibly, _be feeling, he was feeling alone, Sehun had clearly just been sleep talking._

Yet, behind these whirling thoughts, there was one that kept circling, repeating like a mantra.

Taozi.

Taaozi.

Tao-zi.

  ** _Tao-zi._**

When Tao finally went back to the room, switched off the lights, climbed into his bed and fell asleep to the sound of Sehun’s delicate breathing in the next bed, he had the biggest smile stuck to his face.

 

 

When he woke next morning, Sehun had already left. 

 

 

* * *

 

Appendix/references for Chapter FIve : 

1\. Reference to the ‘Tteokbokki we always used to eat during Trainee days’ (ST Ep04)

2\. Apgujeong-dong – shopping district, roughly… 25mins from Cheongdam-dong  (yes there really  **is**  a Gucci store here, on the Apgujeong Rodeo Street) <https://www.flickr.com/photos/newportcollier/9762100652/>

(i myself am reeeeeeeeally shocked at the amount of research i'm doing just for a fanfic)

As for Tao ❤⃛ GUCCI...  nothing needs to be said, ne~~ (●⌒∇⌒●)


	6. Chapter Six

The next 4 days were a repeating pattern – every morning, Tao would wake up, only to see the empty bed across from him. Every day, he attended classes, danced, and sang, and every spare moment, he spent carefully looking up lines in Sehun’s notebook, the Playlist permanently on infinite loop. Every evening he would push open the door of the room, with excitement, and nervousness, and a host of other, less tangible emotions swirling inside him – yet Sehun would already be asleep, safely in his bed.

 

But…other things had changed…

Maybe it was just that without Sehun, the others didn’t really care..

Or maybe something had altered in  _him_ …

But that week was one of the best Tao had spent in training.

 

Even though he initially kept ducking into empty corridors (and sometimes, not-so-empty practice rooms, to the endless amusement of Jongin Sensei) every time he spotted Luhan-gege, he soon realised that his fascination with bugging Tao had faded – nowadays, Luhan ge seemed more than content to spend all his time meekly following Minseok hyung around the place.

Yet, every evening, the seniors (Chanyoel, Baekhyun, Luhan and Minseok hyungs) hunted him down – to invite him to go out with them [!!] Trying out different eateries, or just hanging out at the local Starbucks, on Wednesday even catching a movie together – at some point, in just the span of 5 days, he had stopped being the foreign kid everyone picked on, and instead became the pampered maknae in the clique the entire lot of trainees looked up to and envied and wanted to be a part of.

At some point, in just the span of 5 days, Tao had started looking at these seniors of his with real affection.

At some point, in just the span of 5 days, Tao was able to let go of some of the cold, aloofness with which he had defended himself till now, and just be himself.

 

‘Luhan-ge~~~~!!’Tao whined in a pouty voice, cuddling upto him. ‘Pleeeaaasseee??!’

‘Okay, okay, c’mon then.’ As the others fell about laughing, Luhan-gege finally gave into Tao’s aegyo with a sigh, and let him drag him into the novelty Purikura[1.] booth in the corner of the game centre. Grinning widely, Tao lined them both up just so, quickly punching in the settings he wanted, pressing his face close to Luhan-ge’s, and held his breath waiting for the perfect shot –

When it was all ruined by Chanyeol hyung who literally leapt into the booth, knocking both of them down. Despite all of Tao’s best efforts –  _taking photos was real serious business, not a joke_  – the rest of the ‘photoshoot’ quickly devolved into a rucous round of horseplay and pranks, with everyone joining in, all  near tears with their laughter.

‘Aaha~ too bad, Tao-ah’, Beakhyun hyung grinned without the slightest trace of sympathy at Tao who was sulking over the results of the purikura,  as they left the arcade arm in arm.

Tao stuck out his tongue at him, then chuckled in spite of himself. Even though the pics were a mess (except for Minseok-hyung’s shots – in spite of all the tom foolery, he somehow magically seemed to be able to get his face perfect and in place at the instant the shutter clicked, and looked typically angelic in every single one), this was the most fun he had had since coming to Korea..

These guys were alright, really.

‘Oy! Tao-ah, have you tried Dalgona[2.]?’Chanyeol hyung called back at them. ‘Ah!That’s right, you have to!’ Baekhyun hyung pulled Tao forward and they headed to the cart on the roadside, which already had a little crowd around it, everyone cheering and laughing.

‘What’s this?’ Luhan-ge looked around as quizzical as Tao himself was feeling.

‘Eeh! Lu-ge hasn’t had Dalgona either?’ Minseok hyung, who had jokingly taken to calling Luhan ‘gege’ after hearing Tao’s cutesy-act, widened his beautiful doll-like eyes at the two clueless Chinese boys

‘It’s easy, ne, look, its like a sweet – ‘Chanyeol hyung was interrupted by Baekhyun hyung

‘Cookie ah…’

‘Cookie?’

‘Yeah, it’s a cookie, what’s this, haven’t you had it either?’

‘Of course I’ve had it!’ Chanyeol hyung’s voice pitched in earnestness. ‘I’ve even had it from this same shop before!!’

Finally having somehow gotten through the explanations,with Chanyeol hyung and Baekhyun hyung frequently interrupting each other,  the next 10 minutes proceeded to see the handsome, stylish, beautiful SM Trainees laughing their heads off, cheering and squealing like little girls around the little cart by the roadside, with cries of, ‘Aaahhh what is this hyung’ and ‘Yatta! Minseok-hyung suge!’ and ‘Just a little more, careful Tao-ah..’

At last, when Tao managed to get one, everyone burst into whoops, banging his shoulders and clapping their hands, while he happily stuffed the pieces into his mouth, beaming hugely.

Then Luhan-ge spotted a cart selling his favourite Korean street food – hotteok[3.], and they all took turns buying their ‘Maknae’ some - Tao couldn’t get enough of the warm, fluffy pancakes that squirted honey and bits of pine nuts into his mouth as he bit into it. It took a while for the others to ultimately drag him away, but when no one was looking, Tao managed to buy a few more cakes himself and stuff them into his backpack, wrapped in a brown paper parcel.

Once clear of the hotteok cart, Baekhyun hyung promptly pulled them around a corner and down the street to where an old man was stirring pans of steaming..

‘AAAHH!!’ Tao fell back with a shriek. ‘WHAT THE HELL is that??!!’[4.]

Chanyeol hyung, Beakhyun hyung, Minseok hyung, and even Luhan gege started laughing at Tao’s horrified expression.

‘Aah, Tao-ah, you can’t come to Korea and not have Beondegi.’ Baekhyun hyung stated, looking wise and all knowing.

‘No way. No way, NO way, NO WAY’ Tao frantically shook his head, backing away as quickly as possible. ‘What in the world is that even…’

‘Silkworm larva’ Luhan-gege supplied, making Tao’s gaze snap at him

‘Luhan-ge’s also eaten this??!!’

‘Of course!’

‘That’s right, everyone who comes here eats this’

'Tao-ah yo..don't be like that, it's really yummy'

Behind Chanyeol hyung, the others fought to hide their laughter behind hands hastily thrust against their mouths

‘We’ll have one cup.’ Beakhyun hyung turned to the man behind the cart

‘No, please I can’t eat that’

Seeing Tao’s eyes now glimmering with tears, the other finally succumbed to their glee, clutching their stomachs and each other, but hugging him, and patting his shoulder between their shrieks of laughter, with, ‘it’s a joke’ and ‘don’t worry we’re not really going to make you eat that!!’

Grinning at the now sulking youngster, Chanyeol hyung draped his arm around him, and pulled him over to the next shop, where he proceeded to buy Tao all the kkultarae[5.] he could eat, promptly being rewarded by Tao’s best smile, causing the others to burst out with exclamations of, ‘Aaahh this maknae is really cute nee!!’

 

Laughing, joking and frequently trying to shove each other off the road, the boys made their way back to the residence, waving goodbyes to Tao at the second floor landing, Beakhyun hyung drating back to cram one last kkultarae in Tao’s mouth, then making their way to their rooms…

 (Tao spent a moment grinning mischievously at Chanyeol and Beakhyun hyungs, who both headed down the other corridor on the 2nd floor, even though Beakhyun hyung’s room was on the  _third floor_ , and at Minseok and Luhan geges backs as they  both climbed to the 3rd floor, even though Minseok hyung’s room was on the  _first_ )

 

Turning up the volume on his iPod (he had developed the habit of simply never taking it out – when with the others, he just turned the volume down low), he headed to his room, softly singing along to Jay Park . Aah, the last week, his Korean had seriously improved beyond anything he could ever have imagined.

Nodding his head along with the beat, as he rapped the words with only the slightest fumbling, he pushed open the door, half heading towards his bed before freezing in the middle of the room. In a panicked movement, he quickly pulled the earphones out, and spun around, to see Sehun lying on his bed, one foot bent at the knee, tossing a basketball up, catching it, tossing it up again…

Trying to recover, Tao slowly continued to his bed, laying his bag down and opened it, his movements measured and cautious.

 

Behind him he could hear the steady ‘thwack thwack’ of the ball Sehun was playing with..

 

There were a thousand things he wanted to say.

 

 _The playlist and notes really_ really  _helped_

 

_Why did you give them to me?_

 

_Why would you go so far?_

 

_You hate me don’t you?_

 

_Why would you call me ‘Tao-zi’ so tenderly in your sleep?_

 

_When I held you, you fit in my arms so perfectly…_

 

_Why do I go through my days feeling the warmth of your body against mine?_

 

_Why can’t I stop thinking about you…_

 

_i want to see you look at me like that once more...._

 

_How were the vocal classes? Have you been eating properly the last few days? _Are you alright being on your own; you usually spend all day surrounded by your friends...__

_Is it okay for me to worry about you like this?_

 

_Hey, Sehun._

_You hate me, right?_

Tao stared at the brown paper bag of Hotteok he had impulsively bought with vague plans of leaving it on Sehun’s desk where he would see it in the morning

 

’12.30 am is pretty late for a trainee with such a busy schedule the next day to get back, ne~~’ Sehun’s mocking tones cut through his thoughts.

Tao spun around . ‘Aah, we..umm.. the seniors wanted to go get something to eat and..’

‘Eeeh..’ Sehun’s was laden with sarcasm, ‘Making new friends are we?’ pausing with the ball balanced on the palm of his hand, Sehun quirked an eyebrow at Tao, then looked away.

‘Aah~  Someones become all popular, huh’

Sehun resumed bouncing the ball off of his hand, apparently dismissing all thought of Tao from his mind.

_Yeah. I know._

_I knew it all along._

_I was just being stupid on my own._

The tears that threatened at the corners of Tao’s eyes held a sharp pain he had never experienced before. Like something inside him was ripping into pieces. 

 

 

* * *

 

 

Appendix/references for Chapter 6 : 

[i'm sorry for this chapter, i wanted to explore Tao's relations with the others a bit... hopefully i delivered enough TaoHun feels in the end :;(∩´﹏`∩);: ]

1\. Purikura (japanese photobooths) are apparently an established thing in Korea too, esp in arcades and malls..

2\. ST EP 07

3\. ST Ep 06 - when Luhan, Suho and Chanyeol had hotteok, i remember thinking at the time that i wished Tao could've had some, he'd have loved it.. so i put it in here ^^, 

<http://media.maangchi.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/03/hotteok-590x442.jpg> 

4. <http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/2/23/Silkworm_snack.jpg> Its apparently REALLY popular... 

5\. Kkultarae - Korean sweet, made by spinning honey and maltose into fine threads, then wrapping it around fillings of nuts, chocolate, etc <http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/6/67/Honey_of_Korea_traditional_food.jpg> <http://www.oneinchpunch.net/wordpress/wp-content/uploads/2008/08/kkultarae.jpg> 


	7. Chapter Seven

Quickly turning away, Tao pushed his bag aside, scrunching up the hotteok, and glad about it. He moved to his wardrobe, pulled it open and grabbed the first thing his hand reached (a black tank top and red tracks, not that he cared)… he just wanted to get into his bed as soon as possible and never get out.

He just wanted to disappear forever.

If only he was cute and sweet and fun like Luhan ge

If only he could be  _anyone_ other than himself…coz he, Huang Zitao..just..wouldn’t do, right…

He wished he could say the right things, find the right words… Do whatever it was that Sehun needed from him… But how could he, when he didn’t even know what that was??!

Even if he DID know, would he be able to do them? Because anyway you looked at it, he was just totally useless wasn’t he…

 

No, wait, he didn’t  _want_ to know.

He didn’t care, didn’t care, didn’t care.

Sehun could go to hell.

Why should he be the one who was always, always trying to catch up to him?? Why was he always the one who tried to let only his best side out around him?

Why was he the one who kept desperately hoping…hoping Sehun would see him??

 

He was in love with Sehun.

It was the first time that this thought had gelled in his mind, and it appeared out of nowhere, fully formed and filling him.

He was in love with Sehun.

He was  **in love**  with Sehun.

Holy crap.

He was in love with  ** _Sehun_** _._  

Tao froze completely, his legs feeling weak under him, like they would give away any second.

What…

**_What the bloody fuck was he going to do?_ **

Wait, right now -

His hands, that were gripping the back of his T-Shirt, to pull it off over his head, dropped away.

There was  _NO WAY_ he was gonna change in front of Sehun now.

Hold on… if he suddenly went to the bathroom to change, wouldn’t Sehun think it odd??  _Would he suspect??!!!!!!_

Ha, what was he thinking, as if Sehun would notice either way.

But Sehun always noticed him, didn’t he… That’s how he could pick at every single thing Tao did, attack him over the most superfluous details – all this while, he had always being paying attention to Tao, hadn’t he!

Tao glanced at Sehun out of the corner of his eyes.

Thwack thwack.

He was absorbed in playing with that ball.

Seriously, was Tao the only one who could feel this miasma of tension between them that was almost visible??!!

Thwack.Thwack.

_Get a hold of yourself now, Tao._

Silently whispering encouragements in his mind, he resolutely clutched the back of his T, and pulled it over his head, twisting to toss it on his chair.

At least, he didn’t have anything to be nervous about, he had never been in such perfect condition – his body tanned and gleaming all on its own, the veins in his arms rippling over the muscles that bulged in firmly etched patterns, signalling their power and strength, yet somehow appearing graceful at the same time.. His shoulders were broad and strong, his shoulder bones prominent, and his collar bones lightly marked at the edges of his long neck, pulling the eye downwards to where the notches of his breast bone lay clearly visible between his muscular pecs… his stomach ripped and his hip bones prominent, yet his waist slender and narrow..

The only break in the gleaming almost-ivory tone of his flawless skin were the pale pink of his nipples, and the line of dark hair lightly circling his belly button, then leading down in a tapered trail…

All planes and angles and pure unadulterated Maleness[1.]

 

Thunk.

The ball Sehun had been playing with dropped to the floor, and rolled up to stop at Tao’s foot.

Huh?

He glanced down at the ball in surprise for a moment, before looking at Sehun, the tank top he was about to put on hanging limply from his left hand.

Sehun had reflexively sat up, moving to reach for the ball when he had dropped it, but right now..

He was just sitting at the side of his bed, his head lowered, his eyes fixed resolutely on his lap.

Huh?

Still shirtless, Tao bent down and picked up the ball, then stepped towards Sehun, holding it out.

Trying to act casual, he took another step, closing the distance between them.

 

The tips of Sehun’s ears were red.

This was so incongruous and unexpected that Tao came to a complete halt.

Now that he looked closer…

It wasn’t just his ears. Sehun’s cheeks had entirely mottled over with splotches of bright red.

Silently, Sehun lifted one hand for the ball.

 

At that moment something clicked inside Tao.

Sehun hated him??!!

Sehun was always picking on him, always attacking him, always always.. _provoking him_.  He encouraged the others to do so, too, effectively cutting Tao off from everyone else.. If you think about it…the  _only_ person Tao even spoke to here, scant as such conversation was, was Sehun…

And looking back carefully… The worst of the abuse heaped on him happened on those days that were marked by him having had friendly-ish moments with one of the others

And he was right, Sehun paid more attention to every single thing he did, than anyone else ever had

Sehun had destroyed the dictionary he had thought was from Tao’s ‘ _boyfriend’_.

Then he’d spent all night (that too, the night before the gruelling sessions with Jongdae sensei were to begin) making that playlist..and those notes.. (and really, you only had to look at it to see how much effort and care went into it)

And that next night…

Even today for that matter..hadn’t Tao just spent all evening with demonstrably the hottest bunch of guys this.. possibly this  _entire_  industry contained??!!

And… _Sehun Hated him???!!!_

 

 

_Calm down._

_There’s no way…_

Tao’s heart was beating fit to burst.

_Am I just imagining things?_

_Am I just twisting things so they appear the way I want?_

In reality, Sehun hated him - No, more like, utterly despised him..

Right?

 

Suddenly determined, Tao tucked the ball firmly under his arm, and going back, grabbed the paper bag with the Hotteok.

He could still feel the warmth seeping into his hands.

Clearing his throat (his mouth had gone really  _really_ dry) he slowly walked back to Sehun.

 

‘I..Urm.. when we went out..I..that is, Luhan Ge and the others got something for you-’

 

Sehun made an exasperated sound under his breath, and flipping around, lay back down, facing the wall, his back to Tao.

‘Don’t want it.’

‘Well…well, in case…’ Tao gently placed the bag on Sehun’s table, trying to clamp down on the misery trickling through him. He hesitated for a moment, staring at the stony silence wrapped around Sehun. ‘It’s really good, I paid 5,000 won for these’ [2.]

‘ _You_ bought them?!’ Sehun’s tone was incredulous.

‘Hey!! Whats with that, of course I bought them!! And it was so hard too, I had to wait till no one was looking, luckily just at that moment Chanyeol-hyung dropped his hat, and everyone was laughing, and looking away, so I quickly made the Ojiisan wrap some up-‘

Tao snapped his mouth shut over the words that had spilled out entirely without his meaning to, gasping with horror at Sehun’s still immobile back.

‘Oh.’

Petrified for a moment, expecting some sort of explosion, Tao was taken aback when this was all the response he got. He felt an odd sense of anti-climax, the cold strains of rejection mixing with the thought that things could have gone much worse.

Sighing, he turned away, taking the hotteok with him, thinking he’d just throw it out now.  

 

And froze.

Almost in Slo-Mo, he looked down at the hand that was clutching the side of his jeans.

Slowly, Sehun let go, then turned his outstretched palm towards him. ‘Gimme.’

His voice was between a whisper and a growl, his face still firmly turned towards the wall.

Tao couldn’t help it.

He felt his cheeks would split from the grin that had taken over his face.

It was a good thing Sehun was turned away, he must be as red as a lobster right now.

‘MMmm!’

Tao didn’t even think twice before ripping the top off the bag, so he could take one out, and place it on Sehun’s palm, daringly letting his fingers graze along the length of his hand.

He could feel the tremble in Sehun’s hand when his fingertips finally lifted away.

Sehun snatched his hand back, bringing the pancake in front of his face ‘You paid 5,ooo Won for this?!!’

Tao had to chuckle. ‘No, there are five of them! Ah, but you cant have more now, no eating after 6:00pm remember?’ [3.]

‘HA?!’ Sehun finally turned towards him, his eyes flashing. ‘What the hell were you guys doing then, all BFFs together, hitting the town all night?!’

Tao wanted to laugh out loud. God, but Sehun was magnificent when he was annoyed.

He was leaning up on one arm, the other holding the hotteok, and the shoulder of his oversized T had fallen off, revealing skin so pearly white and delicate and….and he was licking his lower lip, his deep pink tongue darting out, then curling around that rosy margin, leaving a glistening trail…

The grin slid off of Tao’s face, and he could feel the heat spreading all over him. Panicking, he hurriedly thrust the bag at Sehun, mumbling something, he himself had no idea what, vaguely recognising words like ‘classes’,’morning’ and ‘it’s late’ that sounded in his voice.

Somewhere in the back of his mind, he realised that Sehun was as flustered as him, coz he seemed to thoroughly accept whatever incoherent thing Tao was saying. This only served to increase his own sudden shyness, and he practically fled out the room, grabbing his towel on the way.

 

When he had finally returned to the room after finishing his night time routine, Sehun was an indistinguishable bundle under the blankets he had pulled completely over his head.Switching off the lights, and closing the door, Tao made his way to his bed, where he lay in the dark for a long while, sleep escaping him completely.

The thoughts kept swirling around inside his head.

Tao was head over heels for that boy. That  _boy._ Could this get any more messed up.

Yet.. _That boy_ didn’t seem to be completely unaffected either…

Tao had to stuff his fist in his mouth to stifle the delighted giggles that threatened to burst from him.

Feeling like there were big, light, helium filled bubbles inside him, he hugged his pillow as tightly as he could.

Sehun..Sehun was just..so..

‘Congrats on the class thing.’

Sehun’s voice cut through the darkness, somehow sounding rougher and… huskier than normal.

‘Class?’ Tao spluttered a bit, he had assumed Sehun was asleep all this while.

‘Tchah. The predebut class. Congrats on getting in.’

‘Huh?!’ Tao sat up, bewildered.

‘What, don’t pretend you don’t know, Luhanhyung texted me in the morning itself. Yixing sensei announced it today, didn’t he.’

‘I have NO idea what you’re talking about right now, Hun-ah.’

For a moment, both of them froze at the cute little nickname that had dropped so naturally from Tao’s lips, and the intimate, caressing tone of his voice.

Sehun noisily cleared his throat, his voice uncharacteristically shy and hesitant, when he said, ‘Oh..well.. You’ve been shifted to the Pre-Debut Class. After just three months of training..’ Sehun sounded almost filled with…pride  _[?!!]_  as he added, ‘Its incredible. Apparently even Minho sunbeanim was asking about you..it’s such a huge record…’

_‘Shinee’s Minho sunbaenim??!!!’_

‘Huh?!!’ Now Sehun was the one who sat up, and Tao could clearly hear the sudden sulkiness in his tone. ‘Well…it’s only coz he doesn’t yet know what a total loser you are!!’[4.]

Sehun rustled the covers loudly as he lay back down, and pulled them over his head again.

For the first time, Tao felt the unbearable desire to burst out laughing at one of Sehun’s insults.

‘Aah, is that so…’

Sehun pulled the covers down long enough to yell ‘And he’s  _totally_ going out with Taemin sunbaenim anyway,’ before burying himself again.

 

Tao had almost fallen asleep with the happiest smile on his face in 3 months, probably in  _ever_ , when a sudden thought made him snap his eyes open.

Crap.

Predebut class.

That means from now on, he’s gonna be spending all day, everyday with Luhan Ge, Minseok, Chanyeol and Baekhyun hyungs……

and Sehun.

There was  _No Way_ he was going to be able do any sort of choreography that involved touching him in the slightest, and  _definitely_ not in front of the others, without making a very public declaration of his feelings.

Hooollyy Crap.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Appendix/references for Chapter seven : 

1\. Huang Zitao : <http://nyny-no-sekai.tumblr.com/post/88994303611/huang-zitao-sheer-unadulterated-sexiness>  <http://31.media.tumblr.com/f53a5ff343af4f3e7888e74ffa058984/tumblr_muf3cetmhL1s85ye3o1_500.png> bonus : <http://31.media.tumblr.com/54c9e2993b420023be53ec3a4c39db6e/tumblr_mthmrgPhlM1sawwspo1_500.jpg> 

2\. One hotteok is about 1000 Won

3\. Reference to an EXO-M interview, where..Lay [i think] said it was the rule not to eat after 6:00pm, so they don't put on weight.. will put the link in as soon as i find it

4\. Sehun's 'Hey, Minho, Just so you know exactly whose property Tao is'  <http://25.media.tumblr.com/207e3526cd5523437e2277c941d9e15a/tumblr_n0125qK2F81sb6ikdo5_250.gif> <http://25.media.tumblr.com/f3f7d97097850bd07ac04ef32edee80c/tumblr_n0125qK2F81sb6ikdo4_250.gif> 

'Seriously now. I'm not too pleased about you talking to my boy' Staaaaaaaaaarrre stare stare, 'Go away Luhan, not now' *tries to distract Minho* <http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NtT2k9ProLI>

  

5\. Tao really was one of the SM trainees with the shortest training period, and reports say he was 'placed in the Predebut class almost immediately' after joining 

 


	8. Chapter Eight

When Tao’s eyelids unglued themselves the next morning, he already had a swelling sense of excitement in his chest. It was really early – the rising sun was sending in fingers of red and pink light into the room, staining the walls and floor in enchantment…

Everything looked and felt magical..ethereal..like a fairytale come to life

On the opposite side of the room, the reason for Tao’s happiness snorted, and turned over, his arm dropping off his bed, his fingers slightly curled as they came to rest just a hair’s breadth above the floor…

Right next to a crumpled up, empty brown paper bag

He stayed up long enough to eat  _all_  of it? That too, eating sweets late at night…

_That kid needed someone to take care of him_

Tao’s quest for feelings of mature responsibility met a quick and untimely death as oceans of sheer satisfaction pooled through him.

 _Sehun’d eaten every last hotteok that **Tao**  had bought him,impatiently, _eagerly _... not even waiting the few hours till morning…_

Filling with smugness, and happiness, and excitement, and a bit of nervousness, all mixed together with desire and that most rare, genuine tenderness and affection, Tao abandoned all plans of going back to sleep, and rolled over to his side, so he could watch Sehun all the better.

The golden red light lay like the lightest kiss over him, peaking at his ears..

His cheekbones..

The sharp cleft of his cupid’s bow..

 the soft glow picking out the fine dusting of hair on the arm that hung over the floor..

Sehun’s arm, stretched out like that, let Tao see that he was actually more muscular than Tao had thought..well, not as much as Tao, but those forearms, and those biceps.. they looked really firm and supple..

Tao stretched out his own arm, closing one eye, so it looked like his was touching Sehun’s.

What would it feel like… that arm against his own? That pale white running over his tanned glow, that delicate elbow bone pressing against the hollow of his larger, rougher one…

 Those compact, yet well defined muscles straining against his stronger, bulkier ones… 

Tao practically leapt out of bed, heading to the bathroom.

Splashing freezing cold water on his face, he glared at his reflection.

_Seriously, you cannot get hard just by looking at a boy’s arm!!_

The more he tried to close his mind off to the pictures that cascaded seductively into his mind, the stronger their urging became

It was like, unknown to him, his brain had permanently recorded every single time he had seen even the slightest glimpse of Sehun’s skin… (and they were room mates, so such instances were numerous) and now played them back to him.. only..

Imagining how those little flashes of flesh would taste..

How those hands with their long, artistic fingers would look and feel on Tao’s body..

how Sehun would smell as he thrust his hands into his hair…gripping it tight…

Shivering slightly with the rush of desire that was overwhelming him, Tao slid his track pants off,and pulled out his dick, which was hard and hot in his palm, the veins engorged and full and tortuous as they ran over his thick, long length… the dark black curls clinging to the sides as the pre-cum gleamed at the tip

He imagined if Sehun was here… that trademark move of his, where he’d slightly smirk, and then push his tongue out..curl it around his full lower lip, and then stroke the span of his mouth, leaving it wet and glistening before that cherry pink tongue darted back in…

Only now, Tao could follow that trail with his own tongue, taste the aftermath of Sehun’s saliva on his own…

He imagined Sehun’s eyes, then his fingers with their untrimmed nails, tracing down Tao’s body, grazing his neck..his chest… flicking sharply against a nipple, before continuing down his stomach… teasingly drawing circles around his belly button, then dipping into it, hard..

Lower…

Abruptly, he squeezed down as he imagined Sehun’s fixing his eyes on his dick..

Sehun’s hand lightly, teasingly brushing along the sides… pushing his foreskin back, then suddenly, somewhat firmly, running his nails around the head, pressing into his slit, smearing his pre-cum on his fingertips, before drawing backwards to pinch at the frenulum…

 then circling down to grab him strongly, gripping him tightly as he started pounding his hand back and forth, squeezing and tugging Tao’s dick..pausing at times to slap it against his other palm, his tongue slightly protruding in concentration, his eyes now fixed on Tao’s..

As he fantasized each bit, Tao followed his imaging with his own hand… panting….Drops of sweat flecking his entire body, then dripping down, drawing a cool path over his flesh that seemed like it was on fire… the sharp waves of pleasure crested inside him. Swelling and dropping rising higher each time..

FuckThisFeltSOGOOD

Groaning, he started thrusting his hips against his hand, his fingers wrapped tight, his balls slapping against his thighs with the force of his thrusts, his mind totally focused on imagining Sehun..Sehun.. And somewhere at the back, the illicit erotic pleasure that accompanied the knowledge that he was.. _using_ the thought of Sehun like this…

 

It took Tao his fastest time ever to burst into thick, globular strings of cum, and he bent over, gasping for breath.. he had never ever orgasmed like he just had, the waves of pleasure arcing through his body still leaving him feeling weak and unsteady…

What would it be like…to.. _actually.._

Blushing deep once again, Tao hurriedly turned the shower head on, setting it to hottest possible.

 

When Tao finally got back to the room, Sehun was lying on his back, arms and legs flung as wide as possible, still fast asleep. As Tao watched, his lips slightly parted…

Coming so soon after.. _well, that thing he had just done he was desperately trying to forget_ , the sight of Sehun’s tongue was more than Tao could handle – and rushing to his desk, he quickly stuffed everything in sight into his back pack, then headed out.

 

Tao had been sitting in the dining room for ages when the first of the breakfast crowd rolled in – Chanyeol hyung at the head of a group of younger trainees (all still older than Tao), apparently lecturing them on…… Snapbacks Vs Trapper hats (??) .Spotting him, Chanyeol quickly shook of the others, heading towards him with a loud, ‘Tao-ya!! What happened, are you feeling alright?’ He sat down next to him, draping a long arm over the back of his chair, grinning ‘Aa~ an army of pigs must be flying today, seeing you awake so early’ Tao made a face at him, then chuckled at his senpai’s antics. ‘He’s learning from my example, na’ Baekhyun hyung appeared out of nowhere, chucking the back of Tao’s head teasingly, pulling out the chair on his other side. He waggled a finger across at him, ‘geojido bujileonhamyeon deoun bab eod-eo meogneunda’ 

‘err..eeerrrr… hot rice..??!! ‘

The hyungs burst out laughing at Tao’s totally bewildered face

‘Beggar also, work hard and get up early, eat hot rice!’ Baekhyun hyung lisped at Tao, making baby faces.

‘Eeehh!’ even knowing it was a joke, Tao seriously repeated the words in his mind. Nowadays, strangely, this language he used to fear and hate was starting to fascinate him… somehow, he felt like it was becoming a part of him…

The hyungs teased and joked on either side of him, while ordering him to go and fill up their plates with toast and waffles. Laughing along with them, Tao felt like the world was starting to come in focus again. Earnestly, he picked the best bits of toast, and the most golden, crisp waffles, adding honey, and cream and slices of  strawberries to each, before serving them onto two plates. Balancing them carefully on a tray with his own, he made his way back to the table, where Chanyeol hyung was whining at Baekhyun hyung to ‘cut it out, aah.. why are you teasing me so much today..’ to which Baekhyun hyung only replied with a wicked grin, and more sly comments

Tao found himself watching the two with absorption as they all dug in to their breakfast. Unless he was highly mistaken, these two were…

_How in the world did they manage to..like.._ **tell** _each other??!! I mean,_ _even_ _normally_ _,_ _approaching someone is hard, but when you’re both guys…_

‘Huh. Amateurs’ Chanyeol hyung was looking up, and following his gaze, Tao saw Minseok hyung and Lu-hyung walking into the room, hands tightly wrapped together, faces pressed close side by side, as they whispered and giggled to each other.

‘Aah~~ Luhan hyuuung! You guys look really cosy, ne~~’

Baekhyun hyung really never missed the littlest chance at ribbing someone.

Smiling cheekily at them, the eldest two made their way over, not even the slightest bit flustered.

‘Kiss him ,kiss him, kiss him..’ Chanyeol hyung added his teasing, playground chant, which was abruptly cut off by Minseok hyung thwacking him over the head.

‘Show some respect to your elders’ he scolded them in a mock-serious voice, making Tao burst out laughing at the site of Chanyeol hyung bowing repeatedly in consternation, while Baekhyun hyung looked around, eyes wide and innocent, like it had nothing to do with him.

Then, suddenly, his laughter cut off, as he remembered.

‘Luhan ge!’

Everyone stopped goofing around at the sudden seriousness in Tao’s voice.

‘How come you guys didn’t tell me I was getting put into the Pre-Deb class?’

Their faces relaxed, as Chanyeol hyung went back to wrestling Baekhyun hyung, trying to bow his back, with cries of, ‘you started it, you should be the one apologizing!’ and Minseok Ge sipped reverently at the cup of coffee Junmyeon San made specially for him every morning (‘This is a good kid, he’s the only one who really  _gets_  how wonderful coffee is…’).

 Luhan leaned forward to spoon the last honey drenched piece of toast from Tao’s plate. ‘So  _Sehun_  could have the opportunity to tell you, duh’   

Oh. 

Tao blushed, grinning into his lap, for a bit lost in rosy memories…

Ohhhh??!!

Suddenly jumping up, he scrambled behind the others, who were tossing their plates and heading out. ‘Waait, what’s that supposed to mean?!! Why should..’

Chanyeol hyung pulled Tao close, putting one arm around his shoulder, then pinching his cheek hard with the other. ‘This kid is soo cute, ne~~’

The others were all laughing.

_They knew??!!!_

How.was.that.even.possible.he.himself.hadn’t.even…

‘Good Morning.’

Sehun was standing right outside, his eyes on Luhan-Ge…

Who was draped all over Minseok hyung…

A sudden spasm of pain and fear shot through Tao, replacing the first rush of anticipation and warmth and shyness that had swamped him when he heard Sehun’s voice.

Sehun..and..

Luhan-Ge..he’d gotten so used to thinking of him with Minseok hyung..and at least in his own mind, laying claim to Sehun himself, that he’d forgotten about the two of them…

‘Hunnie!!’ With shouts of happiness, Luhan launched himself at Sehun, almost knocking him over. ‘Sehun! Welcome back!!’ ‘Aah~ I can’t believe he’s not lost weight after training with Jongdae sensei’ the others all crowded around him,Tao watching, a little unbelieving, as even Minseok hyung hugged him, patting his head.

_Didn’t he mind??!!_

They all turned, and walked ahead, arm-in arm, bumping shoulders and rubbing backs, talking loudly..

Watching them, Tao suddenly felt like he’d been plunged into an icy cold stream.

What the hell had he been thinking this past week…

Like he could ever be one of  _them_

The familiar crushing darkness stood just beside him, sending frosty tendrils deep into his heart.

 

Then Chanyeol hyung turned back, yelling, ‘Tao-yaaa!! What are you doing!’

‘Aah~ Tao-ah!! Honestly, this kid is always in his own world’

‘Zitao!! Get here right now!’  

Everyone (expect Sehun who was steadfastly looking in the opposite direction) ,called out to him, gesticulating vigorously.

‘Hai! Sorry!!’

Beaming,suddenly feeling immeasurably lighter, Tao ran up to join them, linking his arm through Baekhyun hyung’s, cuddling it tightly, as the others resumed their conversation.

‘The waffles were really good today too, Sehun-ya, you really need to stop skipping breakfast!’

‘Ahh, seriously, these kids are so lazy! A real man, ne _.. A real man_  wakes up with the sun.’

‘Ah, sou! Even Tao, knows, no, Tao-ya? I taught him. Tell them, My Student!’

‘Eehh..’ Tao grimaced at Baekhyun hyung. ‘geo..ji..pujil onhamyeon doooon bab yyeodyeo meogneunda!’ Hesitant at first, Tao finished the line at a run, his voice rising, and grinned proudly around at the others..

Who were collapsed on the floor laughing, (even Sehun), Minseok-ge crowing, ‘what…what the hell was that..’

‘Baekhyun’s star pupil!’

Luhan ge pounded Baekhyun hyung’s shoulder,his glee uncontrollable, as Baekhyun sighed exaggeratedly, ‘Aah, Tao-ya, what was that..’

‘Ah! It’s not my fault, It was really difficult, and LONG!’

At Tao’s earnest face, that looked like it would be flooded with tears any minute, the others quickly suppressed their howls, becoming serious, their voices turned fond and a little proud…

‘Aah~ he’s right, ya’

‘Sou da… Actually..recently, Tao’s Korean really improved na…’

‘Yeah, yeah it did.’

They patted his shoulder in approval and encouragement, and Tao, happiness level totally restored, smiled cutely at them.

 

Reassured that their kawaii-adonis of a junior was back to being his normal cheerful self, the hyungs went back to picking on the next one - 

‘Eehh..what were we saying..

Oh, yeah, Hunnie!! You can’t skip breakfast – ‘

‘It’s the most important meal of the day!’

'you'll become short if you don't eat breakfast, ah' (this from Chanyeol hyung who gestured at Baekhyun and Minseok and Luhan hyungs while speaking, ensuring the next few minutes were dedicated to them vigorously inventing a new game, 'Wack the Yeol')

‘Well, Yeah, so you need to get up earlier...’

‘Tao-ah got up so early today, you should have just gotten up when he did!’

Tao blushed as Chanyeol hyung’s words threaded Sehun and him, and for a beat, the silence that settled on the group was slightly awkward.

Quickly, seeming to sense the strange tension, Minseok hyung turned to Sehun. ‘Ah,but speaking of food, you missed it, yesterday was the best! We had dalgona, and Kkultarae..’

‘No, no the best was that hotteok!’ Luhan Ge cut in, leaning across Minseok (at some point, Luhyung had gravitated back to Minseok hyung’s side, and was now walking with his arm around his waist, an occurrence that might,  _just might_ , have contributed somewhat to Tao’s current feeling of utter wellbeing and happiness)

‘Hunnie, it was the BEST hotteok I’ve ever eaten, the honey was perfect, and they’d like..grated the nuts or something..it was just..You really missed out’

‘Aah, it  **was**  really good, ne~’

‘Ah! Maybe we should have packed some for him….’

‘Eeh!!’ Baekhyun hyung rounded on Chanyeol Hyung, who had said the last line pointedly cocking his head at him.’ As if I’m going to lovingly buy sweets and dutifully deliver it to this kid, what am I, his boyfriend!’

Sehun had his head bent down, his eyes on his feet, as Tao choked, and started coughing

‘Ah..is that so..’

Sehun almost whispered in response to Luhyung, (who was still waxing eloquently about the hotteok, over Baekhyun’s and Chanyeol’s interruptions), a little smile tugging at the corner of his lip, the crests of his cheeks stained with a rosy flush, as he shyly.. raised his head.. to glance at Tao..

Who was staring at him..

Their eyes held and caught, and Tao’s cheeks burned with the answering blush to Sehun’s deepening red.

Then, unseen by anyone else... simultaneously, for the first time, their lips curved at each other, a little hesitantly, a little timidly, a little eagerly, in a special, secret smile..

the air seeming to crystallize around them, closing them off, in a world where there was only the two of them.. their breaths quickening, their hands almost reaching out to hold onto each other...

before shyness overcame them, and they quickly snapped their heads away.

As the feelings bubbling in his chest threatened to spill out, he suddenly felt a frisson of confidence sweep through him. Daringly, Tao moved in front of Baekhyun hyung, so he was right next to Sehun, and as they all walked together, he lightly, surreptitiously, let his knuckles graze the back of Sehun's hand with each step, feeling the answering trembles that ran through the spectacularly beautiful boy by his side.


	9. Chapter Nine

Step.Step. Turn, jump, swoop down, left, spin, back 2 steps, slide right, and again.

As Jongin sensei yelled instructions, Tao followed the routine easily, dancing beside Chanyeol hyung. He could actually match them step for step!!

Admittedly nervous going into the PreDeb class, and fumbling initially, kinda tense, he had quickly picked up the cues and stresses, letting the music carry him, carefully watching his reflection in the full length mirrors that lined every wall. For the moment, he had even stopped being hyperacutely aware of Sehun, who was dancing next to Luhan ge at the opposite end of the room, their movements unbelievably synchronised, like the same mind was moving both bodies…

‘OKAY!! That’s it!!’

Jongin sensei signalled the end of the class, clapping his hands, then calling out the names of the people he wanted to stay back for extra pointers. ‘…..Minsoo, Donghyun, Luhan.The rest of you can leave. Good job everyone.’

Panting slightly, Tao stepped towards his backpack, that was lying in the corner with the pile of others, pulling out his bottle and squirting half of it down his throat in one gulp. ‘Thanks.’ He nodded at Chanyeol hyung who had tossed him a towel, wiping his face, and passing it to Baekhyun hyung’s waiting hand.

‘Let’s go to Starbuck’s k, I  _need_ a cappuccino!'[1.]

Minseok ge cajoled, turning to yell at Luhan Ge to meet up with them there.

‘Hurry, hurry hurry!’ He physically started shoving the boys, trying to make them pick up their feet.

‘Honestly, this hyung has waayy too much energy-‘

‘-even though he is so old’

‘Huh, Its just that you lot are feeble’

 

As the boys headed to the doorway, Tao waited for someone to speak the thought that was uppermost in his mind. Luckily, Chanyeol hyung obliged – ‘Hey!! Sehun, aren’t you coming??’

‘I’ll come with Luhan, you guys go ahead.’

‘Oy!! Whats with that informality?!!’ Luhan Ge punched Sehun’s arm in mock anger. Sehun grabbed his fist just before it could make contact, twisting it around, as the two started wrestling, giggling helplessly, before Jongin Sensei called Luhyung over. Sehun had his eyes fixed on his back, and even as the others called out ‘Okay, See ya’, his gaze was trained on Luhan gege.

What the hell…

He’d thought last evening…

And this morning…

they’d come to some sorta agreement…

His shoulders slumped, feeling totally defeated, Tao fell into step behind the hyungs.

Seriously, it was difficult to cope with this. Feeling unmatched ecstasy and excitement one moment…crashing down to the depths of despair the next. It was like Sehun was a particularly sadistic puppet master, jerking and swinging Tao to his tune.

 

As the boys walked down the street, as usual, they attracted a bit of attention – after all, their looks, their style, the way they walked… all of it was so far above that of a normal, run-of-the-mill ‘cute-guy’. Even so, Tao was shocked when a girl suddenly stepped in front of him. With long, honey coloured hair that fell straight to below her shoulder, before curling into bouncy ringlets, in a short, lacey white dress, and soft brown suede boots, her lips glossy and pink, her eyelashes long and trembling, her body perfectly curved and all sleek lines, her cheeks stained with a lovely spreading blush, she was probably exactly what Tao would’ve imagined if someone asked him what he considered attractive in a girl. What he would’ve thought of as his perfect partner.

Blushing, and smiling hesitantly, she held out a little stuffed panda. Behind her, her group of equally goodlooking friends giggled and squealed as she whispered, ‘I…I’m a fan of Tao’s….’

‘Ah. Err.. Thank You very much!’ Tao bowed, taken aback, droplets of pride blossoming in him, as he accepted the toy. Even among the pre-debut class, for a trainee to have strangers recognizing them on the street… _to have FANS…_

And Tao had  _just_ shifted to the predeb class..

‘Ano…umm…my number’s on the card..just, you know.. in case..’

Blushing furiously, the girl quickly made her escape after pointing a perfectly shaped, long, slender finger at the little cartoon-ed tag dangling from one paw of the panda’s.

Tao eyed the tag, where sure enough, a phone number was written in pink ink, hearts dotting the margin. He didn’t even get to read the name neatly written beside it, before the little toy was snatched from his hand by an exultantly hooting Baekhyun hyung, who tossed it to Chanyeol hyung just as Tao reached to grab it back.

‘Ooohh Tao-kun’s gotta  _giirrrrlfriend_ ’

‘Tao, I…  _I’m_  a fan of yours too’

‘Aaahh she was really pretty too, whats with this boy, not even 24hrs in the pre-deb class and..’

‘why the panda….’

‘Ah..you know..coz of my dark circles, some of the people on weibo..’

‘AH! So that’s how you gettem!’

‘Trapping girls on the internet is a crime, you know..’

‘HUHH?!!

‘Tao-kun, you mustn’t hit on people on the internet!’

‘I WASN’T!!’

Followed by a sputtering and blushing Tao, the hyungs headed into Starbucks, never letting up on their teasing, even to draw breath.

 

As the youngest, Tao, as usual, was the one who went to order, and picking up everyone’s cups, made his way back to the table, to find Baekhyun hyung, with frequent inputs by Chanyeol  hyung, waving the toy in the air, describing in detail how Tao had gotten it to Luhan ge and Sehun, who had apparently just come in. Luhan gege jumped right in, circling his lips into an ‘O’ as he turned to Tao, waggling his eyebrows, asking him exactly  _how_ hot the girl had been.

Now almost as red as Chanyeol’s shirt (which was pretty red), Tao hastily grabbed the panda from Baekhyun hyung, stuffing it into his backpack, muttering under his breath, and making faces at them.

‘Wait, wait, I still haven’t got to the best part!’

‘She gave Tao – ‘

‘Chanyeol!! I’m telling it!!’

‘Fine, fine…’

‘Hrrm. So, then, she leans forward a bit, and, she’s –‘

‘She’s all red, ok?’

‘yeah, kinda totally like Tao is now’

‘Guys!! I’m telling it!!’

‘Fi-yine. Baekhyun, go on’

‘So, she leans forward-‘

‘Did I mention she also had a really nice butt?’

‘Arrgh!! She gave Tao her number!! Dammit, all of you are waay too noisy, you never let me speak!!’

‘Waaaah! She gave Tao-kun her number??!!’

‘she wrote it on the label of the toy’

‘Tao had hit on her online, right, so that’s why…’

‘AH!! I never did!!! I don’t even know her name!!!’

‘Waa! Tao hits on so many girls he can’t remember their names….’

‘You guys!!!!!!! I have NO IDEA who she is okay, I’ve never hit on her online, or on anyone else!!!’

Everyone burst out laughing at Tao’s indignant face…everyone except Sehun, who had curled into the corner of Luhan’s chair, even though there were three empty chairs at their table, idly stroking his hair. As the conversation shifted, he cuddled right upto him, burying his face in his side.

 

Tao grimaced at the waves of jealousy and anger and.. hurt, washing through him. C’mon, he ought to be used to this by now…Sehun seeming to be into him one moment, then latching onto Luhan gege like his life depended on it the next..

Suddenly feeling like he would start crying any moment, Tao hurriedly excused himself, and headed into the washroom. He managed to barricade himself into the last stall not a second too soon, as the tears leaked from the corners of his eyes. For an instant, he let the pain wash over him..

Then he quickly went through a couple of breathing drills. His eyes always turned red and swollen whenever he teared up, and he didn’t want anyone, especially Sehun, to notice anything was amiss. Drawing a deep breath, he unlatched the door, and stepped out –

 

To find Chanyeol hyung casually leaning against the counter.

‘Hey, Tao-ah…you okay?’

‘umph..sure, why wouldn’t I be, I just had to pee!’

Tao cleared his throat, approaching the washbasin to rinse off his hands

‘Uh-huh.’

Chanyeol hyung, for what was probably the first time since Tao had met him, had a totally serious, grave expression. As Tao was shaking his hands under the blower, he spoke softly ..

‘You know.. a while back.. Baekhyun was..dating Taeyeon sunbeanim.’[2.] Chanyeol hyung turned to the mirror, fixing his fringe carefully.

‘umm… the trainees all say he still is.’

Chanyeol hyung caught Tao’s eye in the mirror, and chuckled.

‘Keke..yeah. Actually, he went all out with her..sneaking around all over the place in full view…random secret, yet public displays..cute nicknames…exchanging jewellery…’

He draped an arm around Tao’s shoulders, and walked him out of the washroom. ‘It took me like, half a year to finally catch on.’

Chucking the back of Tao’s head affectionately, Chanyeol hyung walked ahead of him, calling back – ‘When people purposely go out of their way to make you jealous, its usually coz you’re being too dense to notice things if they don’t’

Feeling suddenly lighter, and no longer strung out on despair, Tao grinned gratefully at Chanyeol hyung’s back, and went to join the others.

 

When they finally returned to the residence later in the evening, Sehun headed upstairs to Luhan ge’s room with him (They had dropped Minseok hyung at Junmyeon san’s room, with the espresso shot he had gotten him), leaving Tao walking down the corridor to their room on his own.

 

It was a good hour later, when Sehun came back down. He pushed open the door, stepped in..

and froze at the sight that met him.

Tao was curled up on the floor, right up against the wall on Sehun’s side of the room, hugging his knees to his chest, every part of his body looking like it was tucked into itself, a look of wild terror on his face as his terrified gaze was focused on his (Tao’s) bed..

Sehun looked at Tao’s bed.

There was nothing there.

Of course, he wasn’t able to take a closer look, because at that moment, all 183 cm and 63 kilos of muscle and hotness slammed into him.

‘HUN-AH, Thank God you came back I’m going to die, I’ll die, please..’

Tao drained off into incoherent mumbles, clutching at Sehun, simultaneously trying to hide behind him, and practically climbing up his body.

Sehun started for a moment, then turned an unimpressed eye on him.

‘Huh. I don’t have the slightest clue what you’re going on about, but whatever it is, why don’t you get your  _girlfriend_  to come help you’

Tao’s lip trembled, and now the tears really came. Wordlessly, he turned his pained expression on Sehun, looking hurt and lost, his breath hitching with little sobs. Sehun sighed and shook his head slightly, when Tao looked at him like  _that_ , like he was someone he trusted in implicitly, only to be betrayed, he just…couldn’t..

 ‘Fine, fine, I get it…What is it?’

Wordlessly, Tao pointed as his bed, his finger jerking with his sobs. Sehun stepped closer, his imagination running wild with all sorts of images straight out of the horror movie he had seen last week with Luhan hyung…

Only to burst out into gales of laughter.

A giant brown rhinoceros beetle was leisurely making its way up and down the folds of Tao’s sheets, before setting out to traverse the peaks of his pillows.

‘I think we really  _should_ call your girlfriend, maybe she can fight it with her army of pandas’

Between his shouts of laughter, Sehun gasped out, albeit this time, with none of the venom his tone had held earlier.

‘Hun-ah!! Don’t!!!’

Tao quickly grabbed Sehun back as he started to step forward to Tao’s bed, horror chasing the tears from his face

‘Aah~~ its really scary, ne, it’s so big..you’re right, it could kill us..’

Sehun’s head tilted to one side, his grin hooked and curved, he playfully teased Tao with a look so full of impish mirth, that for a second, the coils of terror wrapping Tao loosened, as a wave of desire and affection hit him. His deathgrip on Sehun momentarily relaxed, and taking the opportunity, Sehun moved forward, one hand reaching out to grab hold of the bug.

‘We have to get it off, anyway, right?’

Snapping out of it, Tao quickly clutched at Sehun’s back, dragging him right away. ‘No..you can’t..i can’t..’

This time, it was Sehun who felt like he had been punched in the chest, with the wave of emotions that coursed through him..Despite his extreme dread, and revulsion, and fear, Tao pushed himself in front of Sehun..his hand reaching out, shaking..trembling from head to toe… but utterly willing to do it himself, than let Sehun face something he thought was so terrifying.

His palms flat against Tao’s shoulder blades, Sehun leaned his forehead against the taller boy’s back for a moment. His voice quiet and much calmer than he felt, he said, ‘Taozi. I had one of those as a pet when I was young..i’m really not scared of them, you know’ He looked up, and resolutely stepped around Tao,  and leaning over the bed, let the beetle crawl up his arm. ‘See?’ He turned to Tao (who was rapidly backing away), with a big grin. ‘He’s really friendly..they don’t bite or anything’

Sehun took two steps closer to Tao, who promptly took two steps back, yelling and screaming, ‘Nooo!! Don’t bring it near me!! AAAAhhhhhhh!! Get it away get it away  _I’ll DIE_!!!’ [3.]

Now laughing his head off again, Sehun turned to the window, dropped the beetle onto the windowsill, and closed the shades.

‘See? It’s gone. Problem solved…’

Sehun’s voice trailed off as he looked at Tao..who was staring at him, his face red, his eyes wide.. Like Sehun was a superhero..or a God….with complete awe and…and…

Sehun quickly turned his face away, his cheeks blushing as hard as Tao’s.

‘Its.. no big deal..hrrmm..let’s get to bed, its late, we have voice training tomorrow’

Clearing his throat repeatedly, Sehun hastily walked to his wardrobe, changing into a pair of PJs, he quickly clambered into his bed.

Tao stood in the middle of the room, staring at him in amazed admiration for a while, then slowly moved to change himself.

Pulling on an old T and shorts, Tao flicked the lights off, and walked upto his bed – and stopped. For a long moment, all that could be heard was his rapid and strenuous breathing.

 

‘Hu..hu-hu- Hun-ah…’

‘Hmm?’

‘I’m scared! What if there are more…’

‘Taozi, there was only the one. Go to sleep.’

…….

…

..

For another long period, there was no sound from Tao. Sehun could imagine exactly how he would look, his eyes starting to fill up, biting his lip to stop from crying…

‘Oh, alright. C’mere’

‘H..un-ah..?’

‘You can sleep with me tonight, c’mon.’

Sehun pulled the covers aside, then scooted close against the wall.

‘Hun-ah!!! THANK YOU!!’

Tao happily bounced into Sehun’s bed, only to cry out when Sehun reached over him, to grab the little panda he held cuddled in the crook of his left arm, and threw it straight across the room.

‘Heeyy!’

‘You are NOT bringing  _that_ into my bed!’

‘but…but..its so cute..’ Mumbling Tao turned over..

Which brought him face to face with Sehun, who was still leaning over him, his arm still stretched over Tao…

They both held their breaths.

Tao’s eyes irresistibly being drawn to Sehun’s perky lips..gasping as Sehun nervously pushed the tip of his tongue out..

In a flash, both of them jumped apart, blushes almost vermillion red. Quickly, they both curled up in opposite ends of the bed, their backs to each other – narrow as it was for two teenage boys, managing not to let even the barest whisper of their bodies touch each other.

 

 

 

‘Hey..Sehun?’

The moonlight was streaming into the window above Sehun’s bed, the curtains drawn aside completely. Lying on his back, Tao could see the sky, and the dark clouds that skimmed over the stars..the murky flickers of the leaves on the tree outside. Sehun still had his back to him..but this close, so close that he could feel Sehun’s every breath through the length of his body, even though they weren’t actually touching each other in the slightest, he could easily tell that he was as awake and unable to sleep as he was.

‘Hmm?’

‘Do you like Luhan Gege?’

‘…….like Lu-hyung?’

‘Yeah. Do you…. Like him?’

There. He had said it. Tao held his breath..waiting..

Apprehension, hope..

Nervous, almost downright scared..

he had never been this filled with trepidation in his life,  _ever_ , even the SM Auditions were easier than this.

But he was determined – he  _needed_ to know. Needed to set things straight…

he loved Sehun completely and utterly, adored him with every fibre of his being.And of course, there was no way Sehun could like him that much…but he wasn’t completely indifferent either..

And even if it was a ‘yes’ response that his question got..

At least he’d  _know_ for sure

The watching moonlight danced over both of them, as Sehun partly turned towards Tao. His voice strong,firm, like Tao had just asked a really silly question.

 

‘Yes.’

 

 

* * *

 

Appendix/ references for Chapter Nine : 

1\. Xiumin ❤ Coffee, and his fav is cappuccino  - ST Ep 8  <http://mminseok.tumblr.com/post/73504362160/chen-and-xiumin-having-some-coffee-together> <http://byunniexingxing.tumblr.com/post/79547831524/o12-days-to-xiumins-birthday-the-boy-who-fell-in> <http://mrluhan.tumblr.com/post/73006039413/bazaar-magazine-xiumins-q-a> 

2. ℘S。BAEKYEOL FTW!!!!!!! ٩(ó｡ò۶ ♡)))♬

3\. Tao and bugs - <http://babylion.org/post/88272333060/a-fan-asked-tao-which-one-is-scarier-bugs-or> <http://lil-duckling.tumblr.com/post/64009359975/taozi-scared-by-bugs-once-again> plus ST Ep 8, the others tease him about it

plus -- Tao's tendency to react to things that really bother him by saying, 'i'll die, i'll die' -- ST Haunted House segment + the martial arts stretch-the-pelvis thing...

 


	10. Chapter Ten

He had been wrong.

It had been better not knowing.

This…

Tao felt like he would throw up..or pass out, or both

He  _had_ known hadn’t he…It was impossible for Sehun to like him the way he liked Lu-hyung..

 _Everyone_ knew, hora, even today, all the trainees had spent all day going, ‘It’s the return of the HunHan!’ and ‘Dream team back again’

Why had he..

_Why had he.._

It was just him who…

He wished he could die.

Tao sat up and stood in one smooth motion.

‘I..that is, I’m going to, I’ll just… sleep in my own bed after all ‘

 

In the beams of moonlight wafting into the room, Tao walked over to his side.

His feet felt like they belonged to someone else..his entire body did.

This anguish and despair.. He was so worthless…

He just can’t..just..couldn’t..

Go on anymore

Alone Alone Alone… His heart kept beating the same word over and over

Without Sehun…

He felt like he was crumbling..

If he could just die here

If only..

It was too difficult to keep on breathing.

But he couldn’t do anything…

Even in this he was pathetic.. a waste, a total waste…

 _Of course_  someone like Sehun would never give him a second thought! Sehun was so far above him in every way…How could he even have imagined that he could  _like_ him?!!

Sehun fit with someone who sparkled and glittered like he did- someone like Luhan Gege. It was right that they should be together. Tao had  _no_ place in his life.

 

‘Ouch!!’

He spun around.

Sehun was sitting up in his bed, one hand fisting against his chest, the other still outstretched from having thrown the pillow at him, his face all screwed up, and glaring at Tao –

‘ _How DARE you!!!’_

‘Huh…?!’

As Tao watched, a single tear spilt out of the corner of Sehun’s eye, and slowly rolled down his cheek. Then another..

‘How DARE you act all offended, like I did something, just because I have one, Just  _one_  best friend??!! You are the one with…who..Since the beginning, since the first day I met you it was all always, Oh, see this book, isn’t it great, Kris gave it to me, isn’t this hat nice, Kris bought it, I love this shirt, Kris picked it Kris kris kris kris kris KRIS!! And you even have a fucking picture of him next to your bed!!!!!!!!!! And the next moment you‘re on Chanyeol hyung, Ohh lets rap together, oh we’re both so tall..you can’t even go to the bathroom without him!!! And then it turns out you were hitting on girls on the net all along.. Ha! Well, the jokes on me, isn’t it, I’m the idiot, I didn’t even know that your nickname was ‘panda’, but every stupid, fucking, ‘ _hot_ _’_ _girl_  gifting you one does…

Sehun’s gaze lowered to his lap, his tears dripping off his chin onto his hands, that were upturned..like they had nothing to hold onto any longer..

‘And..and I couldn’t do anything..i couldn’t ever make you see me.. We’re both guys after all, and I don’t know..don’t  _know_ how..but everything I did..i couldn’t do anything right..everytime..my tongue would trip..’

His eyes snapped back to Tao, glaring once again. ‘So, Yeah, I like Luhan, he’s my best friend! He went through something similar with Minseok Hyung, so he understands how I feel..when I’m with  him.. with him I don’t have to pretend I don’t care about you…’

The tears flooding his face, and he looked back down, his fingers twisting in hopelessness.

‘I’m so useless, I can’t eve-’

His words cut off abruptly as Tao’s lips covered his mouth.

Tao’s hands cradled Sehun’s face, stroking along his cheekbones, threading through his hair, his own tears now intermingling with the younger boy’s. Moving his fingers along the sides of his neck, Tao tenderly kissed him once more, before he pulled back, looking directly into Sehun’s eyes, now widened, like his lips, forming perfect ‘O’s, his face looking totally shocked and utterly blank.

‘You  _idiot_ ’ Tao couldn’t help chuckling through his tears.’And all this time..’ It felt like his heart was filling his entire chest, the love and affection and joy and relief like a solid weight swallowing him up, that stole the words from him..

Speechlessly, Tao leaned forward again, pressing his forehead to Sehun’s.

‘..T..Ta..Tao..?’ Sehun whispered weakly

Tao replied by feathering kisses all over his face, his cheeks and chin and that impeccable jawline, and that straight, sure brow…

‘Waitwaitwait Wait!!’ Sehun gripped his shoulders, pushing him away, his fingers digging into his skin, as his eyes bored into Tao’s..his expression a little scared, and shy and unsure. ‘Wha-‘

Tao burst into real laughter at this. He couldn’t help it. Sehun,  _Oh Sehun_ , always 110% sure of himself, natural born leader, imposing in his confidence.. suddenly looked roughly about as nervous as Tao always felt.

‘You serious dumbhead, all this while, I thought you  _liked_ Luhan Ge. Ha! Kris..what the hell, he’s like my big brother, Hun-ah, he just takes care of me a lot..i look up to him, that’s it!! And  _Chanyeol ge?!!_  that’s just..thats not even….And I swear, Baekhyun hyung was just teasing, he made all that up about me hitting on that girl or whatever…but I can’t..i can’t believe you would…all this while…I thought you really hated me… I though you despised me, wanted nothing to do with me..even when…despite everything..i hoped and hoped that  _maybe_ …

Every single time, something would happen..and…’

Tao’s voice trailed off and he broke into the biggest grin of his life, as it started sinking in… that…all this time, in which he had been looking at Sehun…all this while, Sehun had also…

‘You fucking better not be fucking around right now, Zitao, or I fucking swear-‘

For the second time that night,  _(for the second time in EVER!!)_  Tao snapped off Sehun’s words by kissing him.

Sehun’s lips parted under the pressure from his, and his fingers dug even deeper into Tao’s shoulders, as he slipped his tongue into Sehun’s mouth..teasingly, lightly, flickering out again before Sehun could bend his own tongue over it..his hands lightly grazing against his collar bones… his sides… flowing to his bent knees…

With a groan, Sehun pushed both his hands around Tao’s neck, pulling his head closer, deepening the kiss. Tao grinned against their parted lips, and thrust his tongue firmly into Sehun’s mouth, rubbing against his, then cloying and twisting before suckling hard on Sehun’s, his own hands stroking seductively along Sehun’s back, then moving forward, to outline the shape of Sehun’s hardening dick through his clothes. Sehun’s hands weakly slid from Tao’s neck as a wave of pleasure hit him, and a low moan sounded deep from his throat. Tao broke the kiss off, and titled back a bit…that Sehun..that he could make  _Sehun_ sound like that… that he could make Sehun  _look_  like that – his hair tousled and mused, his eyes heavily lidded, his lips swollen and stung, glistening in the moonlight..

Just the sight was enough to drive him utterly round the bend

Tao grabbed Sehun, and pushed him down, climbing over, so he was straddling him. Sehun teased his fingertips under Tao’s shirt, and Tao obliged, gripping his shirt behind his neck, and pulling it off, his defined muscles bulging and contracting in the silver light, the shadows playing over his chest bone..his ribs.. his belly button… the dark track of hair that curled around, then inched downwards...

He leaned forward, both hands flat on either side of Sehun’s head, leaning over him..just looking down for a moment at the beautiful boy under him, who was incandescent with desire for  _him…_  Sehun stretched out his hands, placing his fingers over Tao’s throat, then following the trail of the glinting light over his body, tracing over his collar, down his body, slanting into the hollows of his hip bones, the little rosy tip of his tongue peeking out from between his lips, in concentration.

Tao bent down, and caught that bit of tongue between his teeth, biting and sucking, making Sehun arch up, his back curving as he moaned Tao’s name into his mouth. Tao moved his hands under Sehun’s tee, flicking upwards, till his thumb tapped against his nipple. Still sucking at Sehun’s tongue, going faster and slower, erotically mimicking, he pressed over his nipple, flicking at it with a finger, before rolling it between two fingers, then momentarily gasping and freezing as Sehun copied his movements, his fingers tweaking Tao’s nipples. Sehun took the opportunity to scoot down, and replace his fingers with his mouth, his tongue circling around Tao’s left nipple tentatively, before his teeth edged around it, and he abruptly sucked hard, pulling it in between his teeth…His hands moving down to rub at Tao’s erect cock through the thin layer of shorts and boxers.. pressing..  

Now it was Tao moaning Sehun’s name, as the wet, soft, yet sharp almost-pain at his nipples merging with the burning heat at his crotch had pleasure shooting through him, setting his nerve endings on fire. Pulling Sehun up, against him, he ripped off his Tee,  and licked over his exposed body, sucking…biting… kissing..

Moving downwards..

Tao tugged at the waistband of Sehun’s pants, then pulled them off in one rough stroke, Sehun having reflexively lifted his hips against the pressure of Tao’s lips against his hip bones. Tao felt his body actually tremble with desire at the sight of Sehun’s swollen dick, pale, and turning red where the veins arched over it, engorged and tortuous..the tip circumcised and the head swollen and beaded with precum..

Sehun’s hands clutched tightly into Tao’s hair, as he lightly ran his tongue over the head, dipping in at the base, before sliding the whole length into his mouth, little by little, his lips pursed as narrow as possible.. making Sehun thrust his hips in impatience, his craving spilling through him.. Tao tortured him slowly, teasing and licking, always stopping short of actually sucking.. moving his lips away slightly to blow against the cleft at the very tip, then rubbing it over his tongue, the contrasting sensations making Sehun finally completely let go of his voice, yelling ‘Taozi!!’ his nails clawing into his back…

Himself barely holding onto his self control, the sound of Sehun’s need pushed Tao right over, too, and he roughly pulled away, pushing off his shorts and freeing his own erect penis, swollen like never before, a glistening stalk of precum already hanging from the tip. Before he could reach over Sehun again, the boy sat up and ran his fingers around Tao’s dick, from the bottom up, following the veins…pushing down his foreskin.. finally scooping up the line of precum, and thrusting his fingers into his mouth, sucking noisily, his eyes, narrowed with want, fixed hungrily on Tao’s[1.].

Losing every last bit of thought, Tao grabbed Sehun’s hip bones, growling authoritatively ,

‘Turn around’

 and roughly swung him over, without waiting, so he was face down, on all fours. Thrusting his buttocks separate with impatient hands, Tao firmly ran one fingernail down the crack, pressing sharply in over the anus, running forward all the way to the root of his balls, before moving back.. now circling around his anus, sending shivers of pain and desire darting through Sehun, who helplessly thrust his hips, aching…desperately..for more

Still holding his buttocks apart, Tao dropped a line of spit over Sehun’s anus, then dipped his head in..swirling his tongue around the opening, circling..strongly sucking at the skin around it..

Licking..

Then pushing the tip of his tongue in, as Sehun’s muscles now spasmed uncontrollably..

’Taozi!! ple…please..’

Tao lifted his head, a gleaming line of spit stretching between them, then kissed the top of Sehun’s butt..moving upwards as Sehun dropped flat on his face, then turned to his left…hypersensitive now, and jerking everytime Tao’s tongue made contact with his flesh.. as Tao sucked at the small of his back, then trailed kisses over his spine..Sucking and biting a hickey right at the base of his neck, before tugging at his ear lobe with his teeth, then moving forward slightly, his breath hot against Sehun’s cheek..

‘….Touch yourself.’

A shudder of ecstasy ran through Sehun at the husky, dominant voice, and the younger boy obediently unfisted his hands, and dropped them down, curling against his own dick.

At the second his hands seized himself, Tao thrust  _his_ dick right into Sehun’s anus. Stretched unimaginably, for the first time, his virgin walls contracting powerfully, Sehun almost screamed at the waves of pain and incredible pleasure that simultaneously flooded his mind. Tao’s hand grasped Sehun’s, and his voice again whispered hot in his ear -  ‘Don’t stop!’ and even through the onslaught of sensations, Sehun obediently moved his hands up and down, adding layer upon layer of pleasure to each thrust Tao rammed against his prostate… Tao’s tightly controlling hand adding another dimension to the eroticism

Plunging in and out, as hard as he could, Tao felt like his mind would snap at the sheer pleasure thrilling through him.. Sehun’s inner muscles contracting rhythmically around his swollen dick so powerfully, sending stabs of pain piercing through him, along with the explicit, overwhelming pleasure… the silky, supple walls rubbing against him beyond anything he could even have imagined…Seeing Sehun fisting himself, pounding along with his thrusts…

Feeling himself about to explode, Tao pressed his teeth to Sehun’s shoulder, and bit down, breaking through the skin as he erupted inside Sehun, spilling himself as deep  within him as he could…As Tao bit him, the stinging pain had Sehun calling out again, arching his back against Tao, and he came right as Tao did, the brand new, indescribably sexy sensation of being filled he had experienced till now, being totally outstripped by the feel of Tao’s wet load deep inside him… spewing himself over both their clenched fists.

Panting, the boys broke apart, gasping for breath. Tao looked over at Sehun, naked, and covered in come, his shoulder seeping a drop of blood, his expression one of complete debauchery, and realising he was responsible..and that he probably looked about the same, burst out in a laugh of sheer joy. Sehun glanced up at him in shock..but as their eyes met, he caught Tao’s mood, and started grinning himself

Before they knew it, both boys were laughing their heads off, trying to muffle their glee behind their fists in vain (they suddenly became aware that they were in a dorm, with about fifty others in the same building).

‘omg…pl..please…stop..Tao-zi..’ Helplessly wheezing, clutching his side, Sehun gasped.

This sent another peal of laughter through Tao, and he reached one hand down, grabbing the cloth on the floor (he didn’t know which article of clothing it was, or which one of them it belonged to) and tossed it at Sehun, still giggling. Sehun wiped himself off with it, then chucked it hard against Tao’s head, now almost sobbing with his laughter. As Tao also wiped himself down, Sehun reached over him, for his tee, that was still on the floor, making to put it on.

Tao stopped him, somehow not wanting anything between them at this moment, not even a thin cotton tee shirt. Turning serious, Sehun looked up at Tao, the adoration clear in his expression. Tao moved one hand to lightly ruffle his hair, then cradle his face, as he bent down to kiss him again. His chest hurt..somehow, along with all the desire and..and frank lust that was only temporarily abated , he felt himself drowning in love and affection, and tenderness towards this Korean boy, who had totally turned his world upside down.

Sehun drew his tongue over Tao’s lower lip, repeating that familiar action of his, only this time, on Tao’s lips rather than his own, as they both lay cuddled, and slipped off to sleep together.

 

 

When Tao slowly came awake, the first thought that hit him was ‘warm’. It was so warm..so comfortable… The sunlight was bright and butter yellow as it shafted through the windows. From somewhere up the corridor, on the other side of the closed door, he could hear someone..Chanyeol hyung? Yelling that they were going to be  _really_ late. Tao sighed happily. He didn’t care in the slightest. Smiling, he looked down at the beautiful boy cradled in his arms, the soft, brown-haired head cuddled into his chest…

Tao stretched in contentment, then squeezed his arms tighter around Sehun, who had started to stir.As Sehun woke, his blinking eyes made his eyelashes trail against Tao’s chest - the feeling so indescribably stunning, Tao held his breath in awe and wonder. Then he shifted, and suddenly, Tao was looking right into those gorgeous brown eyes with their sparkling golden flecks. Leisurely, Sehun scooted up so they were eye to eye, leaned in, and lightly kissed Tao’s lips.

‘Good morning’

Grinning, Tao leaned in himself, his turn to peck the younger boy’s lips.

‘You too’

Both of their cheeks were slightly flushed, shades of shyness still colouring their emotions, as their lips pulled in identical, ear-to-ear beams at each other. Tao tenderly stroked Sehun’s cheek, before sliding his hand into his, pushing their palms together, as Sehun twisted his fingers around Tao’s.

Looking down at their entwined hands, Tao knew.

This was it. It wasn’t about China, or Korea. It wasn’t about the languages. It wasn’t about the faces on the streets, or the signs that flashed neon above doorways. It wasn’t the food, or the clothes, or the skies that dripped rain or poured snow.

It as  _this._

This perfect moment, when two hands reached for each other, across distinct horizons, and dissimilar oceans. When two hearts crossed the normally insurmountable distance between them, and two minds managed to create a flawless duet. When this miraculous slice of eternity became something he could grab ahold of.

It was this.

He was home. 

 

 

**THE END**

 

 

* * *

 

Appendix/reference for Chapter 10 

// (๑ↀᆺↀ๑)✧ It's...finished.... .ヾ(＠^▽^＠)ﾉ......(⊙﹏⊙✿) 

Thank you SO much for reading❣❣ I hope you enjoyed it as much as i did writing it~~  just.. **Ƭʜᵃℕҡ ყօϋ୨୧ᐝ♥♥**

 

 

1.] The circumcised Vs. Non circumcised issue -  _obviously_ i can't know this, but.. well, most Korean guys of our age (i'm 22) are circumcised, right.. (even though the younger kids are mostly not)..so.. i'm just assuming Sehun  _is_..law of averages and all that... and as for Tao, i've never even  _heard_ of a circumcised Chinese guy, (i mean, i'm sure there ARE some..but..personally i've never..ya know).. So i've just gone with my..intelligent guessing on this one (⌒_⌒;)

 

 

 


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